July 7th 2000 I saw myself kneeling before my friend's grave, placing flowers at her grave site, wishing I could place them in the palm of her hand. It had been 3 years and 1 month since her passing. I spoke to her like she was by my side. I remember hearing birds chirping and decorations on another tombstone rattle. I reminded her about how we met, but I remember one thing that I never told her, and it was that she was so damn cute. We were just friends, but boy, she was pretty in every way possible.
As I stood up, I looked over to the corn field, which was behind her tombstone, and the wind started to glide faster through my hair, and I felt a comfort. Then I looked up at the sun and that spark of light beamed down on me. It was like she was placing her precious hand on my shoulder and whispering into my ear.
"Jesse, everything is going to be ok."
By this point I was crying, because I knew I had to do something I never wanted to do. Something I never wanted to tell Dana, something that was going to break my heart. I said these exact words.
"Dana, you know I care about you so much, but I will never be coming back to visit you again. I live far away, and I'm on my way to a CF family retreat camp in Hillsdale, but you'll always know that I care about you. You're loved by so many, including myself."
With tears flowing down my face, I kissed the palm of my hand and placed it on her tombstone. As I walked away, I turned around expecting her to charge after me and give me a goodbye hug, but that didn't happen. I knew that wouldn't happen until we met again. On the other side.
Portrait photo of Dana: February 1996 (16 yrs old)
Photo courtesy of Leslie Nessel
This is the story of my Cystic Fibrosis (CF) friend Dana Maynard, who passed away at the age of 17 on June 11th 1997, after receiving a liver transplant due to CF in 1994. Like myself (double lung transplant on September 26th 2010), Dana received the gift of life and was able to live her life an extra 3 years. Without that gift, without that selfish act of kindness, Dana's family wouldn't have been able to enjoy her presence, and her CF camp friends would've lost a very dear friend much sooner.
To tell this story, I must go back to CF camp 1992, where we met, and how we met. My memory might be a bit foggy, but I'll try and do my best.
Her death hit me pretty hard, and it affected us all. Out of all the CF campers who knew Dana, I don't think it hit anyone harder than Jason Sevrey, who at one time was Dana's love interest. Sadly, Jason passed away on December 3rd 2000 from CF.
And to tell this story, I must go back to that day when Andy Johnston (fellow CF camper) called me up on the phone, just two days before we were going to visit Dana in the hospital. He said the words I never wanted to hear. "Dana passed away."
Question:How do you talk to an angel? You'll learn how through this journey down memory lane.
I entered my 4th year at Cystic Fibrosis (CF) Camp Onkoi Benek (Indian phrase = "To Conquer Tomorrow") at the age of 13, which is on the outskirts of Battle Creek, MI in Dowling, MI. Actually, it's called Outdoor Education Center and the camp is called Camp Clear Lake and has been operated by Battle Creek Public Schools since 1947. As of this typing, there's word that it might close for good. I guess Battle Creek Public Schools are doing some cut backs and the 1933 camp looks to be on the chopping block. The camp is the oldest public school camp in the nation. <----- Yeah, I think the government should get involved in this one. Sorry, just my opinion. When World War II broke, the U.S. Coast Guard used the camp as a training facility from 1942-1945. A final decision has not been made as of this typing.
Anyway, that year at CF camp I met a whole new group of friends, one of those was a cute 12 year old girl, who as I recall, had short curly hair. Dana was her name. Sadly, I have no pictures of Dana from CF camp 1992. To my knowledge, Shawnna Gould (RIP: 9-12-12) was the only person who had a picture of myself and Dana slow dancing together. Yes, you read that correctly, slow dancing. I remember several years ago I wanted a copy of that photo, but I felt bad about asking her for it so I could make a copy.
So, there I was at our camp's dance, just looking around. I saw this girl, who I wanted to ask to dance, but I was shy about the whole thing. I remember a few people (campers) around me egging me on to go and ask her to dance. Willy Halpin who was my camp counselor in 1989, walked up to me. I remember the conversation going something like this.
"Go ask her to dance. Go on. . come on, just go and ask her."
So I slowly walked up to the girl, who was the same height as me. I remember asking her to slow dance, and she said sure.
There we were, slow dancing. I held Dana in my arms. It was almost like a scene from the hit TV show The Wonder Years. Just like Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper, but I have to admit, we were dancing much closer than o'l Kev and the Coopster were.
Everyone was looking at us. I remember Dana saying into my ear.
"Oh my gosh, everyone is starring at us."
I remember telling Dana something like. "It's ok, just look at me, and sway to the music. Just imagine no one else in the room, besides us."
I'm not sure what slow song was playing, but at that moment our friendship started. Dana was the cutest thing.
The next day or two I remember being in the room where our camp talent show was going to be held. I wasn't doing anything for the talent show that year. I'm not sure who suggested it to me, but it was a female camp counselor. I was talking to her, but she must have known Dana or maybe she was Dana's camp counselor for that year in 1992. She was going through some records and tapes and came across the 1966 song (You're My) Soul And Inspiration (Click to play) by the Righteous Brothers. I remember her saying something like. "Jesse, you should sing this song to Dana at the talent show. She would love it."
I never said it, but I thought it.
"Me sing? Are you crazy?"
Listen, I can't sing a tune at all. If The Righteous Brothers heard me sing their hit song, they would throw tomatoes at me. I would have just embarrassed myself, and Dana included. I didn't even try to sing, I just knew it was in my best interest (and Dana's) for me to pass on this. Looking back 21 years ago, I still don't regret that decision. A few days had passed and it was time for our talent show. As I was waiting for the talent show to begin, I saved Dana a spot next to me, as everyone was sitting on the wooden floor getting ready for the talent show to begin. Dana didn't know that I was saving her a spot, but my world was about to change.
A pretty blonde girl came up to me and asked nicely.
"Is anyone sitting here?"
I said. "No, the spot is all yours."
I'm not sure where Dana was, but she did find a spot somewhere else. Dana and I were just friends at this point, but who was the blonde? The babe (my nickname for her) was Amanda Bain, who would become one of the most important people in my life. As we both were sitting next to each other, her hand hovered over mine and within seconds she placed her hand on top of mine. I couldn't believe this girl was flirting with me. I remember turning my head and we both smiled at each other. Amanda and I became an item at CF camp that year. The whole world knew it, and any chance we got we were together. From that night forward, Amanda and I were boyfriend and girlfriend for the next several days at CF camp, and leaving her was very hard. It was raining during our last day at CF camp, and saying goodbye to Amanda was very difficult and emotional.
So whatever happened between Dana and I? For the record (again), Dana and I were just friends this whole time. Yes, I thought she was cute and attractive, but it's very odd, I think we both knew we were just going to be friends. We never said anything to each other about it, but. . . after the talent show, we became even closer friends because we got to know each other, and our group at Camp became close.
So whatever happened between Amanda and I? We continued being boyfriend and girlfriend for 1 year and 3 months. September 1993 we broke up. I broke up with her. The long distance relationship was very hard (it was my first), plus I didn't want to hold her back from dating other people. We continued to be friends, saw each other at camp 1994, 1995, and 1996, which was our camps final year. There was no camp for our session in 1993. We continued to communicate through the years. Sadly, Amanda passed away on January 20th 2006 from CF. She received the gift of life on October 15th 1998, 7 years prior to her passing and was granted a new set of lungs. At the time of her passing she was engaged to a guy named Lance. He proposed to her while she was in the hospital.
So where did Jason Sevrey fit into all this? As many of you know, Dana and Jason became an item at CF camp, but not that year. Jason teased me a few times about Dana's hair, but little did Jason know, 3 years later, him and Dana would become an item. How funny is that? Life has a very strange way of connecting people. Jason had the hots for a girl named Beth that year, but to my knowledge, she never attended CF camp again, so Jason and Dana basically weren't an item. That would all change. . . . oh boy, would that change.
Since there was no CF camp in 1993 for our session, it would be two years before I'd see Dana again. We kept in contact via postal mail and phone.
Little did we all know (her camp friends) but in 1994 Dana had a liver transplant.
I thought.
"Wait, what?
She had wrote and told me that she received a liver transplant.I couldn't believe it.I (or anyone else) didn't even know she needed one.At least I didn't know, some of our other CF camp friends might have, but I never did.
To my knowledge (what I can recall) Dana needed a liver transplant due to all the antibiotics (including IV antibiotics) she had been on through her life, which it's common for people with CF to have lower kidney and liver function, because of all the medications and antibiotics we're on.In some cases (as in Dana's) the liver or kidney starts to fail.
CF camp '94 rolled around and Dana looked awesome. Awesome meaning so healthy (and cute as always) <----- I just had to type it once more.She looked very healthy and she now had long hair.
Dana was 14 years old and by this time she was into golfing, which was something she enjoyed doing, and could do.I remember in her letters she'd tell me about being on her high school's golf team.Dana attended Concord High School in Concord, MI.3 years later it would be a place a few of us would know a bit about. So Camp '94 was in the books.Of course Jason and Dana weren't an item that year.Jason had the hots for Stephanie Shields (RIP: 10-7-08) that year and they were an item, but of course Jason and Dana were friends, and had been since Camp '92, If I recall correctly.They could have been friends before that, but I don't remember.
Another year had passed and it was time for CF camp '95.This is where it all began folks.Jason and Dana finally hooked up and were an item.My memory is very foggy, but I know Dana and Jason weren't together in 1994, because Stefanie and Dan "The Man" Sharrow (my nickname for him) were together. Sadly, Dan passed away in 2004 from CF.
Jason loved Dana so much.That's all that boy talked about.Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana.He truly cared for her.So the love story of Dana and Jason began at CF Camp 1995, then at Camp 1996 Dana and Rob Fowler were an item. Though, Jason still always liked Dana, even though he was with Colleen James (RIP: 7-13-09) at Camp '96.He never told me this, but deep down I know he did.
Is this stating to sound like the Young And The Restless?HA!
I should say that after Camp 1995, Jason and Dana were an item off and on through the years.I honestly don't know the last time Jason saw Dana.But he'd always talk about her through the years.
When was the last time I saw Dana? That would be in the Fall of 1996, about 9 months before her death. Our CF friend Andy Johnston put on the first of 2 Bash's (I believe). He invited a few of us over to his house for the weekend.I hope I get this correct. He invited the following.Myself, Dana, Alisha Stokes, Ryan Upson, Jennifer Hall, Jennifer Brooks, Jamie Kloote (RIP: 11-12-01) and Jason Sevrey.I think that was the first Bash gang. I remember one time I was in the car with Dana and Andy was driving.I'm not sure where we were going or what we were doing, but it was night time.As Dana and I were riding in the back seat, "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd came on the radio.With all that Dana had been through in life, in terms of CF and being poked all the time, and her liver transplant, this song reminded me of her.I think she was us to all the pricks (needles that is) and the pain she went through.Every time I hear this song, I think of Dana.She's no longer feeling any pain.
We all had a great time together, and yet again, we were leaving one another.Dana was heading back to Concord, Jason was heading back to East Lansing, Jamie was heading back to Grand Rapids, Jennifer Hall was heading back to Waterford, Jennifer Brooks was heading back to Dryden, Ryan was heading back to Grand Ledge, Alisha was heading back to Milford, which was the town next to mine, and I was heading back to Highland.
Without CF camp, I would have never met these people, including Dana.No one knew at the time, but there would be no CF camp '97, as the camp was discontinued.More importantly, little did we know we'd lose our friend 9 months later.
I was in my junior year of high school in 1996-97 and had just turned 18 years old.Dana was in her sophomore year (I believe) and 16 years old.These should have been the greatest 4 years for Dana.Sadly, they'd be her final 2.
Backstory: Cleo (sp) Back in 1996, Cleo was working as a pulmonary tech/therapist at Harper University Hospital, which is my CF center in Detroit, MI next to Children's Hospital Of Michigan. It was my first year at Harper and I had spoken to him about CF camp, and I told him that he'd love it . The other person that got Cleo to go to camp was Jim Meyer (I believe). So 1996 Cleo attended camp as part of the staff. He had the time of his life that week and enjoyed it. He talked about Dana and so many other people and always asked me how she and everyone else was doing. Sadly, I informed Cleo in the fall of 1997 that Dana had passed away. He was bummed to hear about her passing. I see Cleo every so often at Harper. Even though he only went one year, he still has fond memories of his experience there. He's no longer a pulmonary tech/therapist, but still works at Harper at a higher position. I'm not sure of his job title, but I believe he does something with medical insurance now, in terms of medical equipment with the hospital. I last saw him in June 2012 and he's doing good.
It's very hard to lose a friend, especially someone that has the same disease as yourself, but it's even harder for a parent/sister/brother/relative to lose their own family member.This is something I'm not familiar with, since I'm an only child, but to go through that hell. . . I can't imagine it.
9 months had passed since Andy's Bash.Andy had called me to tell me Dana was sick.I think we all knew she had been sick off and on, but this time it was different.Andy said these exact words to me and it was all he needed to say.
"Dana is sick and it doesn't look good."
We all knew what that meant, but for it to become reality, we just couldn't imagine it.Andy called me up on Monday (I believe), which would have been June 9th 1997.Him and I (and a few others I believe) had planned on heading up to the hospital to visit Dana on Friday, June 13th or Saturday, June 14th.We couldn't go during the week, due to school, but had planned on seeing her on one of those days.I can't recall which day.
Wednesday, June 11th 1997 Andy called me to say the words I never wanted to hear.
"Dana passed away."
One moment the reel of life has you seeing yourself slow dancing with someone you had just met, the next, it brings you the news of a friend passing away 5 years later. Sometimes life can really suck.
It really didn't hit me until that night.I cried and remembered how sweet Dana's voice was, and all the times she us to call me 'shorty', which it brought a smile to my face.She was the only girl who I liked being called shorty by, because we both were the same height.
Funeral arrangements were made by her parents.Her funeral was set to be on Saturday, June 14th 1997 at 1:00 PM.I remember waking up that morning and getting ready for Dana's funeral.I felt as though I wasn't getting ready for Dana's funeral.I felt like I was getting dressed up to say my final goodbye to her.I wore the same suit and tie that I had worn to my Junior homecoming dance.
I remember driving over to Andy's house.Since Alisha and I lived close to Andy, all three of us decided to ride together.Andy and his Mom were so generous and kind, that they bought red roses for us campers who would be attending, so we could place them on Dana's casket.If I recall correctly, it was myself, Alisha, Andy, Jennifer Brooks, Jennifer Hall, Jamie Kloote, Jason Sevrey, Ryan Upson, and Scott Lipinski.Scott was an adult staff member (non CF) from camp.
I remember Dana's funeral like it was yesterday.I remember getting out of the car and we all headed inside Concord High School.Dana's funeral was held inside the gym, due to so many people attending.There was no way that a funeral home could hold all those people.I remember having butterflies in my stomach, because I knew this was it.Dana's funeral was a closed casket, due to her being very jaundice from her liver failing.Dana's skin was very dark in color, thus the reason for the closed casket. She had a liver transplant in 1994, thus her transplanted organ had failed.
I remember vividly walking into the gymnasium and there was Dana, toward the left side.We each had a rose in our hand.With a picture beside her casket, we knew this goodbye would be without a hug, but with many tears.
As we quietly walked up to her casket, we placed our roses with sadness, pride, and honor.Sad to see our friend leave, pride of the fight she gave, and the honorof knowing her.We all headed up to the bleachers for the service.During the service I thought about the dance I had with Dana, the many conversations we had at CF camp, the time Dana called me to ask for guy adviceas I believe she was dating a football player at the time, and the many letters and phone calls we exchanged.
I didn't know how Jason was going to handle it, and I sat next to him while he was day dreaming.What was he exactly thinking about? I'm not certain.I can tell you it was about Dana and the love he had for her.I remember I placed my hand on his shoulder and said.
"It's ok." I wanted him to let it out, because I knew everything was building up inside of him.We all were the only ones in that room who knew what it felt like to have CF, and to know one day that that would be us in that casket.
I remember as the service ended, Jason and I hugged. He said to me.
"I loved her so much."
I said to him.
"I know you did Jason, and she knew that."
The service was going to conclude at Pulaski Cemetery in Pulaski, MI (next to Concord) where Dana would be laid to rest.Afterward there was going to be a luncheon.The ride over to the cemetery was very quiet.I don't think anyone said a word, or at least not much of anything.
We all headed to where Dana was going to be buried.I remember looking around, seeing a cornfield behind where Dana was going to be buried.I wanted to remember this day for as long as I lived, because I knew I wouldn't be back.We watched our friend being buried beneath the ground. I just remember talking to Dana in my conscious.As the service concluded, Jason told me he'd catch up with us in a bit.Jason needed this time alone. I'm not sure what he said, but he knew this would be it.I didn't want to leave him alone, but I knew he needed this.
So there was a luncheon and we got to see Dana's parents again.I remember seeing Dana's sister Leslie and her two brothers.Then I remember kids running around, and little did I know, one of those kids was Alyssa Maynard, who at that time I believe was 4 years old and just days away from being 5 when Dana passed away.Alyssa would get into contact with me 11 years later via Facebook after I wrote a memorial on Dana, which I've converted over into this final memorial.
Its been so wonderful seeing the progression in life that Alyssa has made.In a few days Alyssa will be 21 years old and is currently studying Occupational Therapy at the University Of Toledo in Toledo, OH.Alyssa's brothers (Austin and Andru) were 3 and 1 years old, I believe.Austin graduated from high school last year (June 2012) and Andru (I believe) will be a senior in high school when school starts back up in the fall (2013-14 school year).
Austin and Andru never knew their aunt Dana. Alyssa has told me she has some memories of Dana, but the one thing I'd like for them to know about her was that she was veryCARING.She battled CF with heart and never gave up. She never was about herself, and put others before herself.She would be very proud of all three of them.Leslie I believe was 23 years old at the time.I've had the honor of talking to Dana's Mom as well via Facebook, and the whole family has helped me out with this memorial.I can't thank them enough.
So whatever happened to Jason? I don't know this from fact, but two others from CF camp have told me that Jason was never the same after Dana's death.I think he struggled with it.Jason would die from CF 3 and a half years later.Folks, he's in a better place. Now holding Dana in his arms, looking down and watching over all of us.The last time I had seen Jason or talked to him was in the fall of 1997.He was a good friend to me, and I will always remember him.
So what about me? Well, my journey with Dana wasn't over yet. I had one last thing to take care of.
(left to right) Andru Maynard (Dana's nephew), Terry Maynard (Dana's brother), Alyssa Maynard (Dana's niece), Austin Maynard (Dana's nephew)
Photo of Dana's tombstone courtesy of Alyssa Maynard
By this time in July 2000, I really hadn't been in contact with the gang from Andy's Bash. The Fall of 1997 was the last time I had seen or talked to anyone, until 2006 when I saw Scott, Andy, and Ryan at a gathering for Father Jim Meyer's (counselor from CF camp) birthday in Elk Rapids, MI.
I had been invited to a CF family retreat camp that was taking place in Hillsdale, MI on July 7th - July 13th 2000. Little did I know at the time, it would be the final CF family retreat. In 1998, 1999, and 2000 the retreat was held at the Michindoh Conference Center (Michigan, Indiana, Ohio).
Back in 2000 Mapquest was still a young tool for people to get directions for certain locations. The website was launched in 1996. So as I was mapping out how to get to Hillsdale, I saw that Concord (Dana's hometown) and Pulaski, MI (where Dana is buried) were actually near Hillsdale, or at least not too far way. A thought popped into my head.
"What if I visited Dana?"
The quest was on! It had been 3 years since her funeral. There I was, excited, and doing some research on how to get to her cemetery, which I could not find on Mapquest (cemetery is off Pulaski Road), but by gosh I was going to find out how to get there once I got into town.
Getting to the conference center in Hillsdale was a breeze. Finding Pulaskicemetery was a bit harder, since I had nothing to go by (images), plus there's no address to the cemetery. Where was Google Maps when you needed them? On my way I stopped off and bought some flowers for Dana to place on her grave.
I remember stopping and asking for directions to the cemetery, not once, but twice. Once I got home (after the retreat), I figured out what the problem was. M-60 (at least back in 2000 on MapQuest) had two different names. M-60 and Homer Road (if I recall correctly). In 2000 Mapquest only had one name for the road, but that has changed. Thank goodness.
I actually had no problems getting there once I asked the second person. The first person had just moved into town not too long ago, so they weren't familiar with the area. They told me to ask a lady down the street, who had lived in the area for 40 years. So that's what I did.
I remember driving down Pulaski Road and the trees just hovered over the road and it was a bright, sunny, and tad windy day. I remember it getting dark as the trees felt like they were hovering over me, but then all of a sudden there were no trees on the sides of the road, but farmland. I knew I was on the right path, because Pulaski cemetery is surrounded (at least the back) by farmland. A few minutes later, I knew I had reached the cemetery. In the photo below you see a sign that reads Pulaski cemetery, but back in 2000 there was no sign, nor back in 1997. From my research, this sign was placed here in or around 2005. I'm not sure.
So I remember getting out of the car and just looking around for a split second. I stopped in my tracks to hear the birds chirping, and they were coming from a certain area of the cemetery. So I started walking toward the sound, and 2 minutes later, I turned my head and saw Dana's tombstone. I remember saying to Dana.
"See, I remembered exactly where you were from when we were out here back in '97."
I softly laid down the flowers that I had gotten for Dana. I noticed quite a few more graves had popped up since 1997. I visited with Dana for 45 minutes. I told her how I was doing, and how everyone from Camp was doing. I told her (the story) of how we met and I still remembered our dance together. I told her it was a part of my life that I'd never forget. I continued to tell her that she needed to watch over Jason, and the fact it had been 3 years since I had seen anyone.
Honestly, I thought I was doing pretty good (not crying), but then I looked away from her tombstone, almost like I didn't want to look at it. I remember shaking my head and telling her I was so sorry to have to do this, and told her (as I mentioned at the beginning of this memorial) that I would never be visiting her again, because it was a long distance. I told her I would never, and I mean ever, forget about her. I don't think I had cried that hard in a very long time. Saying goodbye to her was hard, yet again, just like it was in June 1997. By the time I got to my car, I felt so tired. Emotionally drained after those 45 minutes. Before I left, I kissed my palm and placed it on Dana's tombstone.
I continued on down the road and headed to Hillsdale. I don't think I told anyone I visited Dana's grave. I would have stayed longer, but my time to be at the retreat was at 4:00 PM. I actually remember getting there about 15 minutes early, which I thought was good timing.
Here we are 13 years later, and by the pictures, it looks like Dana has some more company. I'm sure 'Dear Abby' will be there for her surrounding friends. Dana's Mom informed me that her friends would call her 'Dear Abby' because she was always there to give them advice and to help them out. Dana HATED to be called that. I'm really in trouble now :)
Family Matters Back Story- Wish You Were Here So after I spent nearly 5 hours searching for songs that I wanted to use for Dana's memorial a few weeks ago, there was one song that I wanted to use, but I couldn't think of the name of it. Each song has been picked with a special meaning. It was bugging me that I couldn't remember (mind went blank) the last song that I wanted to use. So the next day I was out and about, and actually heard it on the radio. I couldn't believe it. After 30 seconds of turning on the car radio, it popped up. I'm not sure if it was a sign from above, but I knew that I had to include it. So here's 'Wish You Were Here' by Pink Floyd, a band that Dana liked, along with The Beatles.
For this final chapter, I wanted to talk about Dana's family/relatives. Dana wanted her family to not grieve for her, but to live for her. That's Dana for you, always thinking of others and not wanting people to worry about her. I can't thank the family enough (including Katha, Dana's Mom) for helping me out, even if it was just answering a question I was afraid to ask. Thank you. I had only wrote 5 chapters for Dana's memorial, but while talking to Dana's Mom, she told me the following.
Dana wasn't afraid to die, but she was afraid that people would forget about her.
So, once her Mom told me this, I asked a few of Dana's friends from CF camp to write a few words about her, or a memory or two they'd like to share, that is if they wanted to.
None of us will never forget about you Dana. Never.
Answer:To talk to an angel, just open your heart. ==============================
I took this image and made it into a coloring page. Everything was done by hand via Crayola Colored Pencils on February 24th 2014.
Chapter I
Date Anxiety
June 2nd 2013
It's that time of year when prom and the end of school is in the air, or for some prom is already over, including school. For many prom is a wonderful time. A time to remember the previous four years with a nice celebration with a girlfriend, friend, or even a group of friends. For some, prom can be awkward, disastrous, or something they choose not to attend. Luckily, my prom was wonderful. If I didn't have a date, I would've went stag. I worked too hard in school to not go to prom. I recall a few girls that didn't have dates at my prom, so if you're reading this and don't have a date. GO! You never know who you might meet.
Even when I did or didn't have a date, I never missed a middle school or high school dance. I sure wasn't going to miss the most important one of them all. Prom. I started thinking about my prom back in March 1998. I was a 19 year old senior at Lakeland High School in White Lake, MI and our prom was going to be held at Bakers of Milford in Milford, MI. I was glad. I didn't want to drive to Troy or some place that was an hour or so away.
I hadn't had a girlfriend since May 1997, my junior year, so I was single. I started thinking at the early part of April about who I was going to ask. All my female friends had dates, at least that I recall. I wanted to take someone that I knew. Someone that wouldn't screw me over. Someone that wouldn't spend the whole night flirting with other people. Someone who would treat me the way I treated them. I know, that was asking a lot for a 19 year old, but if you knew my past, you'd see my reasoning. I wanted to take someone who I would have a good time with, and someone who I cared about, it be a friend or someone more. As you can tell, I'm pretty old school when it comes to dating. So, who would I ask?
If you must know, I hate group dates. Ever since my high school days I've hated them, and luckily, I haven't went on any. My anxiety is a tad bit higher. It all stems back to my freshman homecoming, when my best friend of 6 years kissed my date, basically right in front of my eyes. My friend Brad had brought his date (Melissa), and I had brought mine (Trisha) to the dance. Even though Trisha and I were just friends (same with Brad and Melissa), he asked if he could slow dance with Trisha. Which, I didn't have a problem with. I slow danced with Melissa as well. Toward the end of the night Trisha wasn't feeling good (tired) so Melissa and I went to get a drink. We both talked about how much fun we were having, and Melissa knew that Brad liked her, and he really did. I was happy for Brad, and I remember that I spent the weekend prior to homecoming at his house showing him how to fast dance, as this was his first dance that he attended, if I recall correctly.
So we returned to the dance floor, which our homecoming was held in the Kiva at our high school. Little did Melissa and I know, but Brad and Trisha were slow dancing again. Very close this time. Melissa and I kind of felt awkward about the situation, so we started slow dancing as well. Seconds later, Melissa raised her voice and said.
"Oh my gosh, they're kissing. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?"
I looked over and couldn't believe my eyes.
Melissa quickly grabbed my hand and stormed out of the room. I knew she was hurt. Who wouldn't be? Yes, Trisha and I were just friends, but it's the fact that she kissed someone else, and the fact that my friend let it happen. A date is a date, if she liked my best friend, fine. Just don't go screwing up the night. Get with my best friend on a later date. So my anxiety of someone else dancing with my date or hanging around my date started on that night.
That pretty much ruined our friendship and we didn't start talking again until my junior year in high school and that was just a 'hi' in the hallway and that was it. Things were never the same between us, even during my senior year when we had a class together.
So whatever happened to Melissa? Well, her and I got to know each other and became boyfriend and girlfriend about a month after this incident occurred. We were together for nearly 8 months.
Looking back, would I change anything? No, but I would change the fact that Brad and I didn't talk for 2 years. I wish we would have made up sooner. We actually never truly made up until around 2000 when he called me and apologized for the whole incident. Life has a way of playing itself out, it just played itself out way too long.
Back Story: The Boutonniere If you look at the pictures of Dawn and I together, you'll notice I'm wearing a white Boutonniere. That's the Boutonniere that Dawn had gotten me and pinned on me before we left for prom. The one you see above is red, right? So, why's that? Dawn never knew this, but my Cystic Fibrosis (CF) friend Shawnna Gould (RIP: 9-12-12) didn't know that I had a date for prom. The last we had talked, I had told her I didn't have a date yet. She sent me (via florist) a Boutonniere. I barely remember it, but I recall the florist delivering the Boutonniere to my house a day or two before prom. I thought that was so nice of her to think of me during my prom and to actually do that. So I took a picture before I left to pick up Dawn with the Boutonniere Shawnna sent me. I did feel sad, because I knew I had to take it off. I knew it was the right thing to do, because Dawn was my date. If I didn't have a date, then I would have worn the Boutonniere that Shawnna gave me. I kept Shawnna's Boutonniere for 2 years, until 2000. The same with Dawn's as well. So that's the little back story on the Boutonniere. I did send Shawnna the picture and thanked her so much, but I never told her the whole story. =============================================
So heading into my sophomore year in high school I was single. Melissa and I had broken up in June '95, just a week after school ended. What was suppose to be 'our summer' together, didn't turn out to be that way. She basically found someone better. Someone with a car, even though a month after we broke up I bought my first car. Not too many 16 year old guys have their own cars, especially nowadays. I had been saving up for one. I found out a week later from a neighbor who worked with Melissa, that her and her new boyfriend were caught making out at work. That's when it really hit me. I had hoped my sophomore year would be a good one, and it was, but it started off rocky. Having an ex in the same class room as you can be a bit of a mental struggle.
I asked my friend Stacy to homecoming. Stacy and I both went to Lakeland, but she was a freshman. We had been boyfriend and girlfriend when I was in 8th grade, 2 years prior, but we remained friends. Stacy was a bit shy, so she brought her girlfriend with her as well. Stacy and I had a good time, but as we were getting ready to go home, she was sitting with a guy that she either got to know from school or got to know somehow. I can't recall. I knew who he was. She was saying bye to him (she didn't know I was standing near them) and both their foreheads were pressed up against each other, and they were about to kiss. I FREAKIN' COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.What was this.Screw Jesse Part 2: The Final Stab?
I raised my voice and said to her. "NO! You're not going to do his to me. Don't you even THINK about kissing him."
You always hear stories of guys screwing up the night for a girl, by kissing someone else, flirting with someone else, or something happening. Well folks, I was the victim in all these situations. The roles were reversed.
Stacy and I of course remained friends after that and still did until I graduated in 1998. Its been a few years since I last heard from her. To be fair, she was a nice person, but I think teenage hormones got in the way that night.
That was the last time anything bad happened to me at a school dance. All my other dances, including junior and senior homecomings/winterfests went great. By this time I felt so much anxiety anytime my date(s) would think of dancing with someone else or even if I went on a group date. Stacy was the last 'official' date I had for a dance, until prom.
So with everything I had been through, who in the world was I going to ask to prom? There was only one person. An angel so to speak.
The light bulb went off in my head. DAWN!! Boy, why didn't I think of her sooner? Dawn Portman and I had been friends for about 3 years, but it had been a while since I had heard from her. She had graduated a year before I did back in 1997 from Milford High School in Milford, MI. We were both 19. When I thought about asking her, I smiled. Dawn was someone that I knew I'd have a good time with. Someone who I could trust without a shadow of a doubt. It was like an angel was on my shoulder and whispered her name into my ear.
I had met Dawn through Lonny, who was my neighborhood friend. Lonny's Mom worked with Dawn at McDonald's in Milford and I remember it was in the Spring of '95, or late winter. Melissa and I were together at the time, but he wanted me to come along to grab a bite to eat with him and his Mom.
I remember introducing myself and thinking Dawn was cute and seemed very nice. We got to talking, but I have no clue what we talked about. Lonny kept teasing me on the way home and asked me over and over again. "So, did you like her? Did you like her?"
My reply was.
"Yes, Lonny, she seemed very nice."
Lonny continued.
"You think she's cute, don't you?"
Little known fact. Lonny was 10 years old at the time, so you can imagine a 10 year old bugging and questioning a 16 year old over and over again about liking some girl.
I caved in.
"Yes Lonny, she's cute. But I'm already in a relationship and I'm happy with Melissa."
Little did I know then, until this past year, Dawn and I actually knew each other in 6th grade yearbook class. It was my first year in Highland Middle School in Highland, MI and she was in the 7th grade. We had to of known each other then, because we were standing next to each other in our yearbook class photo (below). None of the students are in alphabetical order. It took me 18 years to remember this, but as I was looking through my old middle school yearbooks several months ago, and saw our yearbook class photo, I thought.
"I can't believe this! I knew Dawn back in 1991, four years before we'd actually meet."
I'm not sure how it came about, but Dawn asked if I wanted to go to a Christian teen hang out with her and her brother and sister. This was just a week or two after meeting her. Of course I told her yes. I believe at the time her and her folks went to Mt. Zion church in Clarkston, MI, but I could be wrong. Anyway, the church (each Saturday night) held a teen hang-out in Waterford, MI next to the old Waterford Twin Cinema (which now is a motor bike center, or was) on Crescent Lake Road, which was called Oakland Christian Association (OCA), which years later would be renamed Waterford Christian Association (WCA)
She came and picked me up with her older brother in their station wagon. It was myself, Dawn, her older brother Patrick and her younger brother and sister Phil and Heather. I know, how in the world can I remember names from 18 years ago?
We had a good time. Through the years I continued to attend the teen hangout, and so did myself, Lonny, and his younger cousin Eric. Lonny and Eric stopped going around 2000, but I continued to go until November 2002, I mostly played hockey from 1998-2002. Dawn might have went once or twice in '98, but I can't remember.
I recall an instance (I'd say 1997) where Dawn's boyfriend (or someone she was dating) at the time came to pick her up from WCA. He was out in his truck and acting very strange. He apparently was on something (or just acting strange) and she was scared. She was afraid for herself, and I could see it in her eyes. I could hear it in her voice, and she was startled. I told her I would take her home. I think it was just myself and Lonny at WCA, but anyway, we had someone escort us out to my car, fearing he would be outside. . . waiting. He was out there, but he was actually sleeping in his truck. I believe his truck was blue. . kind of a beat up truck. Now that I think about it, they may have broken up, but he knew where she was at. She went outside, and noticed he was there.
We quickly hopped into my little '91 Toyota Tercel and took off. I knew not to go down M-59, because if he took off, he'd follow us. Even if he got to her house before us, at least we'd be on the road and safe.
We took the back way and headed south on Crescent Lake Road. I remember thinking how much I cared about Dawn on the way to her house. I didn't want to see her afraid, scared, or sad. I could tell she was still frightened. I can't recall the whole situation between her and this guy, but Dawn was a smart girl. I think she was with someone that she didn't know real well, and sadly, she found out real quick how crazy he was. I think she said something about him being possessive and it scared her. Lonny and I knew we had to protect Dawn. I made it a promise to myself to get her home safely.
So instead of swinging by her house, we headed down the street and waited. We came up with a plan, if he was going to be there. I'm not sure what that plan was, but in the end, Lonny and I got Dawn home safe and sound. He was actually sitting in his truck waiting in her driveway.
I remember her Mom and Dad being home, this was late at night, and of course I was late getting home. I should have called my folks before we left from WCA. I remember her Mom and Dad talking to this guy and basically saying that Dawn didn't want to see him anymore or something like that.
My favorite prom picture of Dawn and I together.
I quickly asked Dawn's Mom if I could use their phone to call home. This was after 11:00 PM at night and I knew I was going to be in trouble, even though I helped protect Dawn. Dawn's Mom actually got on the phone and explained the whole situation to my Mom, but it didn't help. I should have called before leaving from WCA, but my mind was on Dawn and getting her home safely. I had always called home if I was going to be a bit late, but this was one time I didn't. I was grounded for a few days. I would have done it all over again in a heart beat.
