Meeting Big Bink
As I skim through photos of my late friend Jim Binkley, I view them differently, and have done so since Jim committed suicide at the age of 63 on October 24th 2006, 6 days after my 28th birthday. Jim set fire to his home (he lived alone at the time) in Clarkston, MI and then shot himself in the head with a hand gun, which pulling the trigger is something you can't take back. Once it's done, it's done. 10 years later, I'm still trying to find answers to my silent questions, afraid to ask.
I'd like to remember Jim as a person who was there for others, and to me, he was. To me, James E. Binkley wasn't the person I described in the first paragraph. At times, that's how depression works. We don't know who's depressed, because there aren't any signs or that individual doesn't tell anyone. How often do people raise their hand and tell the world that they're depressed without being asked?
Jim's son Mike Binkley died from Cystic Fibrosis (CF) on February 19th 1996. Jim started volunteering at Camp Onkoi Benek (Indian for to conquer tomorrow) in 1995, which was a summer camp in Dowling, MI devoted to kids/teens/adults with CF. I too went to CF camp every summer starting in 1988, but in 1995, that was Jim's first year as a councilor, as in previous years, he'd just drop Mike off for the week.
(below)
CF Camp '95: Sometimes people get creative and paint their old tennis shoes. That's Jim for you.
Bruce Gregory and Jim were both our group councilors that Summer '95 (which consisted of male senior campers) and Jim and I instantly became friends. He was a funny guy, who at times wore cartoonish t-shirts, which I got a kick out of. I didn't know how Jim got involved with CF camp until after camp was discontinued in 1996. He had told me the story about Mike. I could tell in his voice it was a topic that he didn't want to talk long about.
During the months after camp '95, Jim and I kept in contact via letters (before the days of e-mail) during the months after camp '95. Jim sent me a humorous card for my 17th birthday that featured two women in sexy bikini's and the front read.
'We Heard It's Your Birthday And We Want You To Come Over'
The inside read.
'To Mow The Lawn'
:)
Jim pulled one on me. It's one of my favorite birthday cards. I could actually see Jim setting me with two attractive girls and having them walk up to me to tell me that they wanted me to come over, and when I got there, they'd inform me that they asked me to come over to mow their lawn.
Jim didn't write a lot, but when he did, it was in the form of a funny card with a message enclosed. I always told him how well I was doing in school (sophomore year) and if I had any girlfriends. I didn't that year, I was still getting over my nearly 8 month relationship with my ex-girlfriend from my freshman year. Jim (if he wrote a letter) would tell me what he'd been up to and always told me to do good in school.
That next summer I was afraid Jim wouldn't make it to CF camp '96, due to injuring his back. He explained to me in a letter that it was doubtful he'd be there, but in the end he attended, and I was happy. Jim was once again a councilor, but for the younger boys that summer.
After camp '96 we kept in contact via postal mail. I didn't realize that Jim lived in Clarkston, MI (35 minutes away). I don't know why we never got together. He seemed quite private and being 18 years old, I wasn't.
CF Camp Afterlife
Camp Onkoi Benek discontinued after the summer of '96, due to more cases of kids/teens coming home and culturing different bacteria in their cultures/sputum samples. I (then) didn't worry about anything like that, because for one, I didn't really know about those cases nor did I realize the CF community was becoming more aware of CF'ers catching bugs from other CFer's from close contact with one another. I started becoming more aware of it in 1997, when February/March of that year, I learned why there wasn't going to be camp.
I invited Jim to my high school graduation party in June 1998, but he didn't attend. I wouldn't see Jim again until 1999, as a group of us CFer's and non CF councilors got together for a 3-day weekend at the Bavarian Inn Lodge in beautiful Frankenmuth, MI. I saw Jim once or twice when I arrived at the lodge and didn't say anything to him because I was unpacking and getting my belongings out of my vehicle. Half an hour passed and he came up to me and said.
"How long are you going to ignore me, hopefully for not the entire time we're here."
Of course Jim being Jim, he said that in a sarcastic and jokingly tone. I responded.
"I wouldn't ignore you Jim, I was grabbing my belongings and getting things situated in my hotel room. It's great to see you."
During those few days, Jim and I talked quite a bit, especially one late night at the bar/lounge area as he had a cold beverage. He talked about Mike and a few stories that he recalled. I remember talking to him and it was like he was in a daze. I'd talk to him and it looked like he was looking at someone behind me. I'm not sure how many beers he had (maybe just one), but it was like he was down in the dumps. That was the first time I saw a different side of Jim, which at that time I didn't think much of, but days after our outing (especially after his death), I thought he was just down because he was recalling memories of him and Mike. The next day he was fine.
I had a good time during those three days with Jim, Ski, (Matt Jastrzembski), and CFer's Ann Marie Jewell, and the late Debbi Ajini. There were others as well, but I didn't know who they were.
No comments:
Post a Comment