Jim Binkley: 10 Years Later Part II

Dinner At Jim & Cynthia's

If there's one person I wanted to talk to after Jim's death, it was his (then) ex-girlfriend Cynthia. They had broken up about a month prior to Jim's suicide. I met her back in October 1999 when Jim invited me over for dinner prior to my 21st birthday. He volunteered to meet me at the Waterford Summit Place Mall in Waterford, MI. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend let alone lived with her in Sterling Heights, MI. Anytime I wrote to him, I sent the letter to his Clarkston, MI address, thinking he lived in Clarkston, the same place he raised Mike and his daughter Shannon, which I didn't know he had a daughter until he passed away. I'll get to that later.

I figured it would be closer for me to drive to his house in Clarkston instead of Sterling Heights, that's when he wrote and told me no can do (his exact words). That's when he told me he lived in Sterling Heights with his girlfriend. He told me him and Cynthia were going to cook me dinner to celebrate my birthday. I thought that was special, and I was excited to meet Cynthia and to see Jim again, whom I hadn't seen in several months since the Bavarian Inn Lodge outing.

I met up with Jim at the mall. I knew who he was as he pulled up beside me in his Jimmy (I believe it was a dark Jimmy) and I greeted him with a hug. We headed to his house and Cynthia was there to greet me. I still remember looking on the wall and seeing a large portrait photo of Mike, his son, wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins NHL hockey jersey. He told me Mike was a big Penguins fan. Jim and I headed off to the store to buy some things for dinner. He took me a store in Sterling Heights that sold fish, crabs, fruits and veggies. We had steak for dinner.

Prior to dinner, Jim gave me a gift for my birthday. I explained to them that they didn't have to get me anything, a nice dinner was beyond a wonderful gesture. I opened the gift and it was a white sweat shirt and embroidered was our CF camp mascot (beaver) and below that it read Camp Onkoi Benek. I loved the sweatshirt, (especially since it was custom made), but looking back, I feel bad, because I only wore it once or twice, because it was white and I was afraid I'd get something on it.

Memories from that day with Jim and Cynthia are hard to recall, but I do remember Jim's computer/business room. We went through camp photo albums and he had a photo of me on his desk. I could tell CF camp and the CF community meant a lot to Jim. At that time he was a member of Michigan Pulmonary Disease Community Incorporated (MPDCI), the same group of folks who spent hours fundraising and putting on Camp Onkoi Benek for 25 years. At the time, Jim worked on the bulletin newsletter known then as the Beaver Bulletin, which was sent via postal mail every 3 months. That day was special and I'll forever hold it in the palm of my hand. That was the last and only time I saw Cynthia. I think of her from time to time.

MICHINDOH

Jim and I had been communicating via e-mail, which was much easier and it gave my hand a rest from writing to so many of my camp friends, which I had been doing since 1988.

Late Spring of 2000, Jim sent me some information on MICHINDOH conference center, which is a Christian camp and conference center in Hillsdale, MI, which MPDCI rented the facility in 1998, 1999, and 2000. Onkoi Benek Family Retreat was much different than CF camp with more infection control guidelines, but there were two sessions (like CF camp) for the cepacia positive and cepacia negative campers. Jim wanted me to go in 2000 and I was on board.

I had a lot of fun during those few days and saw several people that I hadn't seen since camp '96, which include Carol Carney, Angela Murtagh, Maggie Marcus and Neal Dantes, who was only there for a day or two. I last saw Jim Meyer in August 1996, Ski back in 1999, along with Ann Marie Jewell. I last saw Jamie Kloote back in the Fall of 1997. This was the last time I saw Jamie, as she died 17 months later on November 12th 2001. One of the highlights from those few days was receiving a hair cut from Angela. She gave me a short hair cut and my hair has been short ever since, though now, I buzz it down myself.

MICHINDOH (abbreviated for Michigan (MICH), Indiana (IND) and OHIO (OH) was quite far from my house. It was a 2-hour drive to Hillsdale, MI. This would be the final year for the Onkoi Benek Family Retreat. No other function like it has been held since 2000. Angela did put on a throwback type weekend at the old camp facility from July 23rd - 26th 2015. I didn't attend.

Death of A Friend

Jim and I continued to communicate and on Sunday, April 8th 2001 I received the call that in many ways changed my life. Jim called to tell me that my CF friend Christy White had passed away. I hadn't talked to Christy in 9 months. I remember Jim's voice like it was yesterday and I could tell he regretted being the one to tell me about Christy passing away on Saturday, April 7th 2001. Christy and I were close on many levels, but I had never went that long without communicating or hearing from her.

I planned on attending Christy's funeral and called Jim the next day and asked if he was going to attend. He didn't know Christy that well, but told me he did take her home from a camp function a few years back. He told me if I was going, he'd go, and so we both went together.

Jim picked me up around 8 AM on Wednesday, April 11th 2001 and we headed to Flint, MI. Before that we stopped off at Brown Funeral Home off Davison Rd in Flint (which has since closed) so Jim could pick up a funeral memorial card or two for those that couldn't attend Christy's funeral. I had no clue who he was picking them up for, but he asked if I'd be ok, and that he'd be back in a bit.

There I was, alone with Christy, and I was glad I had those 15 minutes to say my goodbyes before she was moved to the church. To say you could  hear a pin drop in that funeral home was an understatement, because no one was there besides the funeral home director. The only other CFer that attended was Ann Maire Jewell and her Mom. During the service, I looked over at Jim and saw a tear come from his eye. I had never seen Jim cry before.

I still remember hugging Jim and remember how his suit felt. After Jim passed away, I was bothered by the notion of me asking him (in a round about way) if he'd come with me to the funeral, forgetting all about Mike passing away and him having to go through those memories again, or those feelings returning. Even though Christy's passing was 5 years before Jim's, I thought maybe it might've been too much for him, but he seemed to be fine after the funeral.

Myself, Jim, Ann Marie, and her Mom went across the street and got something to eat. It was nice seeing them again. I hadn't seen Ann-Maire since MICHINDOH back in July 2000. I'd see her again in 2002 and once again in 2003 prior to her family moving to North Carolina.

As for Jim and myself, that would be the last time I'd see him. From time to time I'd ask how Cynthia was doing. His response would be.

"She be good."

Anytime I'd ask how she was doing, it was always a short answer and nothing more.

For the next six years Jim and I kept in contact, but toward those later years, we didn't keep in contact as often. Even if we had, I know Jim wouldn't have told me what was going on in his life.

Jim's Suicide

It was a day or so after October 24th 2006, and I remember my Mom and I hearing on the local news about a fire that occurred off Everest Dr. in Clarkston, MI. Since I wrote to Jim quite a bit since 1995 (when we met at CF camp), I instantly recognized the street name. We didn't get the whole news story, thus I looked it up online via our local county paper (Oakland Press) and read the report.

The article stated that a 63 year old Clarkson resident (with address and street name) set his home on fire and committed suicide by putting a pistol to his head. The article mentioned (if I recall correctly) the fire (they believed) started in a bedroom. To my knowledge, no one from CF camp (campers or adults) had been to his home in Clarkston.

Anyway, neighbors spoke about Jim and they all had one thing in common. They really didn't know him, just that his kids grew up in the home and that years ago his son passed away. They mentioned he was a private person and kept to himself.

I learned quite a bit after Jim's death. MPDCI hadn't heard or spoken to Jim for a year or so, and when I talked to Debbie Ajini (CFer and member of MPDCI) she was shocked to hear that Jim was communicating with me, because she explained to me that they hadn't heard from him in over a year.  I told her the last time I heard from him was 3 weeks before his death, and when I told her about his suicide, she told me she thought that's how Jim died. It wasn't a shock (to her) that his death was a suicide.

I'm not sure how it occurred, but Debbie talked to Jim's daughter, Shannon. WHAT? Jim had a daughter? That's exactly what I thought. I don't think anyone knew he had a daughter, whom at the time was 30. I don't know what occurred or what the fall out had to do with, but she (when I communicated with her) told me she hadn't heard from her Dad or spoken to him in 10 years. She would've been about 20 or 21.

MPDCI hadn't heard from Jim due to a fall out. I was told it had something to do with missing funds (money) and at the time (I believe) Jim was in charge of finances within the organization and it sounded like Jim was having issues even a year before his suicide, in-which they tried to get him help, but he declined. It sounded like Jim got upset and didn't want anything to do with anyone from MPDCI. I never knew about a fallout or any issues at the time between Jim and MPDCI.

Jim and Cindy broke up a month or so before Jim's suicide. Jim Meyer and Debbie were the only two I told about how Jim committed suicide. I recall Ann Jewell asking me how Jim died, and I told her he committed suicide and nothing more.

According to Google Map, a home was rebuilt on the property in 2008. It looks nice.

10 years have passed since Jim's death, and I think of him from time to time. I'll always remember our last conversation 3 weeks prior to his death, as I asked him what some of his favorite songs were.  He enjoyed Van Halen (David Lee Roth era), so we both had something in common. He told me one of his favorite songs was 'Last Date' by the late Floyd Cramer from 1960. I'm not sure what the song meant to him, because I knew Jim was a private person, so I didn't ask. Whatever the song meant to him, I knew it was happier times for Jim.

I remember telling Shannon how much her Father did for MPDCI and how he helped out at CF camp and was there for everyone. She was surprised to hear about the things Jim did for the local CF community. She was glad to hear that he was that kind of person toward us.

I'll always remember Jim for the person he was from 1995 until his death. Though, there was a lot that many others didn't know. I think if we hold onto the good memories we shared with Jim, that's what he would've wanted.

I leave behind one of Jim's favorite songs.  'Last Date' (1960) by country legend Floyd Cramer.

Camp Onkoi Benek: Year One

Colored by: Jesse Richardson

Colored image of our camp '88 t-shirt. Click for original copy.

Wednesday, July 23rd 2014

   

     If I had to describe my first year at Camp Onkoi Benek with one word, it would be special. For those reading this and don't know, Camp Onkoi Benek (Indian for To Conquer Tomorrow) was a summer camp for kids, teens, & adults living with Cystic Fibrosis (CF) that took place in July outside of Battle Creek, MI (cereal capital of the world) in Dowling, MI. I went to CF camp for 8 years until it was discontinued in 1996. The camp is actually called Camp Clear Lake and is operated by the Battle Creek Public Schools, but for that week it was called 'home' to us CFers and staff members. The counselors (staff), cooks, and others were a reason why camp was so special. A lot of adults took their vacation time during camp, which meant they were away from their families to be with us. That's something special.

     During my senior year in high school I was on the yearbook staff ('97 as well) and our yearbook theme for that year was 'Unlocking The Magic' and I remember day dreaming about camp when we chose that theme. It described camp perfectly. Each one of us held a key to a treasure chest. By unlocking that treasure chest, we unlocked magical moments at camp, moments that we'd never forget. The most magical gem I unlocked that year was meeting Elizabeth Michalski a.k.a. Liz, who adopted our patrol for that week. She took me under her wing and made my week very special. If I had to craft that week into an image, it would be the one below.

Liz & Jesse: Camp '88 Dance

     I first got wind of camp in 1987 by meeting Brian Weber (left) and his Mom at Karate class (Taekwondo). I don't recall seeing Brian at Taekwondo class, but if so, he didn't go for that long, or maybe they were just checking it out, I'm not sure. Anyway, his Mom talked to my Mom about a camp for those with CF. We got more information from my CF doctor at Children's Hospital in Detroit. The rest is history.

     I believe I received my packet from camp in May 1988. I recall being excited to see the activities for that week, and the fact that there was going to be a dance. I remember packing for my first week at camp. Hawaiian style shirts (insert Miami Vice & Magnum P.I.) were very popular around this time. I think I had quite a few shirts from 1986-1990. The style that I had was different and a bit thicker. As I read the papers in my packet, I learned that a Beaver was our mascot and the theme for that year was WBVR, which was a fictional TV station. The weeks activities surrounded that theme. 

     My first year of camp was the first time that I was around other's with CF, besides the time that I met Brian and his Mom. This was the case for a lot of CFers who attended camp for the first time. Prior to camp, I didn't know what to expect. I just knew as a 9 year old it was going to be my first time away from home, and not just that, but for a solid week. Let the fun begin!

Camp Onkoi Benek (1972-1996)

     My first year of camp should've been in 1987, but my parents felt it was best I wait a year. I think they were hesitant about me going since it was going to be my first time away from home (besides with relatives) for that length of time. I would've been 8 back in 1987. In order to attend camp you had to be at least 7 years of age.

     That trip from Highland to Dowling was 2 hours long, but it felt so much longer. Some people travel even further.

     As my parents slowly drove up to the drop off area, I remember getting out of the car and all of a sudden I heard a man's thunderous voice say.

     "JESSSSEEEE!!!."

     My first thought was. "Who in the heck is this guy, and how does he know my name?"

     That guy was Jim Meyer a.k.a. Jimeyer, and little did I know then, we'd become friends right off the bat. He was my camp counselor for that year, along with Rob. Jim was the counselor for the kids, and to my knowledge always was until 1996. Jim came up to me and gave me a big hug, and still to this day we're friends.  He was the first person that I met at camp, and I can't say enough about Jimeyer, I really can't.

     Since its been 26 years, it's a bit hard to remember things, but on that day I started a lot of friendships that lasted for years, until sadly my friends passed away. This was back when Burkholderia Cepacia (B. Cepacia) positive CFers could be around Cepacia negative CFers (I was Cepacia negative), we just couldn't do our postural drainage (PD) together. We had to be in separate rooms. PD is basically when someone pounds on our chest (back and front) to break up the mucus so it can be coughed up. We could do our breathing treatments, share things, hang out, and eat together etc. Things were different in the CF community back in the 70's and 80's. For those wondering, B. Cepacia positive CFers carry bugs (bacteria) that other CFers who are Cepacia negative are more apt to catch, especially with a somewhat weakened immune system. When Cepacia positive CFers become sick (due to their CF) it's hard to treat their lung infections with antibiotics, because their bacteria is resistant to a lot of them.

     In today's world (2014) it's a huge no no for either (Cepacia positive & negative) to be around each other, and this includes non Cepacia CFers being around other non Cepacia CFers (6 ft rule, it us to be 3), and the CF Foundation is currently tightening things up at the CF centers across the U.S.  

     Chapel Hill and Pittsburgh are the only two centers that do lung transplants for those with Cepacia, at least to my knowledge. Lung transplants are very difficult for those with Cepacia, even though they have new lungs.  It's not so much the 10+ hour surgery that's complicated (any double lung transplant has its worries), but more so the aftermath. B. Cepacia can be tricky post transplant, especially when you still have CF in the sinus cavity.

                  (left to right, back to front): Rob, Jimmie LaFrance, Debbie, 

              Jesse Richardson, Brian Weber, Jason LaFrance, Mike Wilson, Jim Meyer

     I still remember when our patrol picture was took. I actually think Liz took this picture, but I could be wrong. It was when we were playing bocce ball. 

Being a rookie camper meant a few things, but one thing was certain. You were getting a swirly, and yours truly was no exception to the rule. I'm not sure who gave me my first swirly, but it might've been Willie Halpin, who the next year would become my camp counselor along with Ken "The Mail Man" Osterman. I didn't fight the swirly. I wasn't stupid. I knew that anyone could grab me at anytime and flush my head down the toilet. Maybe I over exaggerated on that one, but it's the truth. My rookie initiation was complete. My only thought was. . .  how come the girls didn't get swirlies?  :)

To see the photos above in their original size and form, please click below.

"Sailing" by Christopher Cross (1980)

Camp Onkoi Benek: Fun Facts

18 years ago our Cystic Fibrosis (CF) summer camp was discontinued and this typically would be the first full week of camp (give or take a day). Our camp ran from 1972-1996 (25 yrs). I figured I'd post some fun facts that occurred during my 9 years at Camp Onkoi Benek (1988-1996).  Onkoi Benek in Indian means To Conquer Tomorrow, and as kids, teens, and adults with CF, that's exactly what we did, and still continue to do. It was a week filled with laughs, smiles, and joy. . .  and restful nights (well, if you were a camper).   ::wink::

The song currently playing (YouTube might be glitching. .  again) was the first song I heard on my walkman on the way to my first year of camp in 1988. The first day of camp that year was Saturday, July 16th 1988. So these are some fun facts, photos, and awards. I still don't understand how I was awarded "Mr. Casanova" in 1989 via my camp counselors Bill "Willie" Halpin and Ken "The Mail Man" Osterman. Maybe the below picture(s) will explain some of it. :)

Sadly, our camp in Dowling, MI (near Battle Creek) was discontinued after 1996. 

1st introduction to Camp Onkoi Benek

The person that introduced me to CF camp was Brian Weber and his Mother, who lived 15 minutes from us.  My family and I met them at Karate class, which would've been mid 1987, when I started.  The strange thing is, I don't recall Brian being in Karate class. I think him and his Mom were just checking it out. Anyway, his Mom talked to my Mom and told us about this summer camp near Battle Creek, MI for those living with CF.  We became interested and gathered more information from my CF doctor. Photo from 1990.

1st person I met: Jimeyer

The first person I met at CF camp 1988 was Jim Meyer, who was my first counselor (non CFer). When we got to camp I recall getting out of the car and looking around, and all of a sudden I hear this man yell "JEEESSSSEEEE!!!"  He walked over to me and gave me a hug. I didn't know who he was. At first I thought he was a family member, because I thought. "How does this guy know my name?"  Little did I know then, Jim and I would become friends through postage mail, e-mail and in person. Photo from 1994.

Jimeyer wasn't just the first person that I met at CF camp, he was the first person to write me and send me a postcard. He sent me this postcard a week or so after camp. That started my long distance writing (it be letters & cards) to my friends from CF camp, which would continue (even through the age of the Internet) until 2010. Postcard: July 1988.

1st CF friend: Elizabeth Michalski

The first person that I became close friends with at CF camp during my first year in 1988 was Elizabeth a.k.a. Liz. Her and I gelled so well together and I enjoyed hanging around her. . . morning. . . mid-day. . . afternoon. . . evening. .  ok. .  you get the point. :) She adopted our patrol that year.  Little did I know at the time, but Liz and her twin sister Margaret had been going to camp several years prior to my first year. I still recall (after the last day of camp and I was back home) trying to find Liz's address in our camp address/telephone number list that was given to every camper and staff member. I couldn't find Liz's name. I didn't know her last name. So after searching, crying, and getting sad, I just gave up and hoped I would see her next year at camp '89. 2 weeks after camp Liz wrote me. I remember jumping up and down once I got back inside the house after getting the mail. I knew her as 'Liz' but her full name was Elizabeth. This poor kid's heart was restored. Photo from 1988.

1st time eating Yogurt

Can you believe it? Camp '88 was the first time (that I recall) that I ate yogurt.  Still to this day I love it.  The flavor that I had was Strawberries 'n Banana's and it was by Yoplait.

1st time dancing

I didn't shock the monkey, but I did dance with it. To my knowledge, this was the first time that I ever recall dancing, so you could say I learned how to dance by dancing with a battery operated monkey. This was Laura Varon Brown's monkey that she had at Camp '88 that year, and actually kept it for quite a few years until it stopped working. PS I love those shoes I had. Photo from 1988.

1st time performing Taekwondo

Camp '88 was my first time performing in front of this many people (100+) for our camp's talent show. It was actually Jimeyer's idea. I'm not sure how it came about, but he had some great meditation music and it worked well with the Taekwondo pattern(s) that I was doing, which was Chon-Ji (the heaven, the earth), which takes about 1 minute to perform. Dan-Gun was another pattern that I performed, which was named after the holy Dan-Gun, who's said to have found Korea back in 2333 BC. At this point I was 9th Kup (Yellow belt).  I just received my yellow belt in March 1988. Photo from 1988.

1st time away from home

Camp '88 was the first time I was away from home for an entire week, and I LOVED IT! My Karate sport duffel bag. Perfect for nice trips like going to CF camp.

1st letter: Liz

Liz was the first person to write me a letter after CF camp '88. Once I started writing to Liz, somehow, someway, I became more creative, thus I started writing more stories, and even kept a journal from 1988-2001. I noticed I started to enjoy writing more then I had prior to CF camp. I still carry the trait to this day.
Favorite award: Mr. Casanova (1989)

1989 was my 2nd year at CF camp. Liz didn't come to camp that year, but she sent along her twin sister Margaret. Bill "Willie" Halpin & Ken "The Mail Man" Osterman were my camp counselors. After reading the definition of a 'Casanova' It doesn't pertain to myself, but. . at the sake of having fun, I guess I was a charmer and something special back then. Photo from 1989.
1st kiss: Amanda BainTo be 13 again. My first kiss took place at Camp '92, which was my 5th year attending camp. I still remember Amanda wearing watermelon lip balm. Amanda and I quickly became an item at camp and continued our relationship (long distance) for a year and 3 months.  Our song was 'Right Here Waiting' by Richard Marx (1989). I broke up with her in September 1993. There was no CF camp for our session in July 1993, which made things rough. We actually were both relieved about the break-up, because she truly wanted to be friends, but the long distance thing was hard, and we both were happy about the decision and continued to be friends through the years. My nickname for her was 'babe' and mine was 'spike' due to my spiked hair. I could go into more details, but I'll leave it at that. They truly were great memories. Photo from 1992.

It's always nice to know that someone in your life had your heart.

Last person I said goodbye to: Amanda Bain

Gosh. .  where has the time gone? 18 years and I still remember the last person I said goodbye to.  That would be Amanda, as I departed the grounds of Camp Onkoi Benek in July 1996. Little did anyone know, that would be everyone's final year at CF camp. Amanda walked me to my car. I remember Amanda was wearing a purple tie-dye shirt. I recall putting my belongings in my car and I slowly turned around and looked at her and hugged her and told her to take care of herself and that I'd keep in contact and write her. Sadly, that would be the last time I'd see Amanda again.  Even in photos until she passed away on January 20th 2006. Photo from (Camp dance) 1996.

Kama's Visit: May 10th 2007

May 10th 2007

Kama Mastromonaco came over to my house and spent the day with me.  I had met Kama back at camp '95 and saw her again at camp '96. I hadn't seen her since 1996, so it was good to see her again.

Kama & Jesse at Chuck E. Cheese: What a story.  :)

Jennifer Hall, Jennifer Brooks, Jesse Richardson, Kama Mastromonaco

CF camp 1996

Last person I wrote to: Shawnna Gould

December 2010 about a week or so before Christmas my CF camp friend Shawnna sent me a Christmas card, and I sent one back. I had met Shawnna at camp '95, though she didn't attend camp in 1996 due to traveling to Virginia to visit with relatives. She was the last person that I kept in contact with via postal mail. I still talk to her Dad. Shawnna passed away on Sept 12th 2012.

Favorite camp photo: Liz & Margaret

I can't express how much this photo means to me. It means more then any other photo that I have from CF camp, and I have over 700. I still remember when this was took by my Mom, which was the first day of Camp 1990. I was trying to get the guts to ask both Liz and Margaret if we could all get a picture together. It turned out perfect. Photo from 1990.

Thank you for reading. July 23rd 1988 was the final day of my first year of  CF camp, so I thought on that day I would share my first year with another blog.  Camp Onkoi Benek: Year One.

The Cure: Just Like Heaven (1987)