Nov 8, 2015

2015 Fantasy Football: Halfway

NFL.com Fantasy League (half way point) hasn't been a good one for any of my teams, though the Highland LavaRockets are 4-4. Highland Executions are 2-5 and GraveDiggers are 3-4. At least all my teams are still doing better than our Detroit Lions 1-7.



NFL Fantasy League 2015: Halfway







The Highland Executions (2-5-0) are off to a terrible start this 2015 NFL.com Fantasy season. This is one of their worst starts in their 15 year history. San Diego Chargers QB Philip Rivers was the starting QB, but with a 0-3-0 start, Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger became the starter. Houston Texans RB Arian Foster was drafted, but was out due to an injury at the start of the season, and the same for Jacksonville Jaguars TE Julius ThomasChargers TE Antonio Gates was out due to a 4 game suspension prior to the season, thus Steelers TE Health Miller was picked off waivers and became the starter. The team was hurting in the TE department and also at RB, but Chicago Bears RB Matt Forte and Cincinnati Bengals RB Giovani Benard filled that void. At WR, Denver Broncos Emmanuel Sanders and Detroit Lions Golden Tate were the starters. Kicker (K) was Philadelphia Eagles Cody Parkey and defense was Green Bay Packers

Week 2 Highland Executions did a small change at kicker and started Seattle Seahawks Steven Hauskchka and would eventually release Parkey and sign K Josh Brown (benched) from the New York Giants.

At 0-3-0 the entire team was struggling, even though I had two good QB's and one solid RB in Forte. Before week 4, the Executions received a trade deal. The trade was for Broncos QB Peyton Manning in exchange for Roethlisberger, and I accepted. Shockingly, Roethlisberger was injured during week 3 and would be out for a few weeks. I contacted the other teams owner, stating he/she couldn't take back the trade, but I would be willing to give him/back Manning for Roethlisberger. He/she never responded. So I kept Manning and started him for week 4.

With Manning as the starter now, the Executions won their first game by 3 points (62-59) to become 1-3-0. They picked up Miami Dolphins WR Rishard Matthews and started Texans Foster, who returned from injury, but only put up 1 point. The Executions let go New England Patriots WR Danny Amendola (benched) to make roster room for Matthews. The acquisition of Manning and Matthews seemed like a good one.

The Executions picked up their 2nd win and first back-to-back of the season with a score of 108-59 to become 2-3-0. The team was starting to pick up pace and both Forte and Foster had big games. Gates returned from injury and posted 21 points, the most out of any player that week. 


The Executions (week 6) benched QB Manning and started QB Philips again, whom hadn't seen any playing time since week 2. They released San Diego Chargers RB Melvin Gordon and picked up Carolina Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart. The starting of Philips and the pickup of Stewart for week 7 saw the Executions lose by 0.40 points to become 2-5-0. Losing by 0.40 points was the 2nd most devastating loss in my 15 years of playing fantasy football. I lost a game (week 1) with the Highland GraveDiggers by 0.28 points.

So the trade for Manning, the pick up of Matthews, and Stewart, hasn't put a dint into the winning ways of the 3-time NFL.com Champion Executions.
===================================

















The Highland GraveDiggers (3-4-0) aren't off to a great start, but still have time to make the playoffs. The GraveDiggers won their NFL.com League Championship last year (2014) with a 8-6-0 record.

Week 1 was just a total lose for the GraveDiggers, as they lost their first game by 0.28 points (101.36 - 101.64) Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers was the starter over New England Patriots QB Tom Brady. The RB position wasn't so magnificent, with Arizona Cardinals RB Andre Ellington and San Diego Chargers rookie RB Melvin Gordon as the starters. Pittsburgh Steelers WR Antonio Brown was a huge draft pick, along with Indianapolis Colts' T.Y. Hilton. The Executions had Tampa Bay Buccaneers WR Mike Evans benched due to him being injured. Buccaneers RB Doug Martin was the flex player, whom helped the RB position. Dallas Cowboys kicker Dan Bailey and Philadelphia Eagles defense served as the starters.

After the heartbreak loss from week 1, the team got back on track with a nice 11 point win to become 1-1-0. For week 2, the Executions (even though they almost won) benched RB Ellington for Cincinnati Bengals Giovani Bernard, which was a great move. Ellington had 0 points for that week, while Bernard had 16.

Week 3 saw another win for the Executions and the team picked up Denver Broncos defense off waivers to backup the Eagles.

Week 4 saw the Executions lose their 2nd game of the season by a huge 48 point loss and a return of Evans to the lineup as a starter. Hilton was booted down to flex player and Martin was benched, which probably wasn't a good move. He scored 28 points that week, still not enough to win. The team picked up K Robbie Gould from the Chicago Bears to backup K Dan Bailey.

Heading into week 6 the team had lost 2 in a row. The only change was the Broncos defense became the starter. A week 6 loss made it 3 straight losses. The team lost by 3 points 94-97. 

Heading into week 7 there were some changes to the lineup (to say the least) both Denver and Cincinnati had bye weeks, thus Bernard and Broncos defense were benched. Ellington and Martin became the starters at RB while Gordon was benched. Arizona Cardinals WR Doug Brown was picked up off waivers and became the starter. The biggest change? QB Tom Brady became the starter. These changes helped the Executions become 3-4-0.

It seems as though last years champions can't stay on course.


















The Highland LavaRockets (4-4-0) are currently at .500 and have had a back and forth season thus far. They'll win a game, lose a game, win a game, and lose a game. At 4-4-0, they're far away from making the playoffs.

Denver Broncos QB Peyton Manning was the starter, as Jacksonville Jaguars QB Blake Bortles was benched. Looking back, I should've started Bortles instead of Manning. I know, sounds odd typing that. San Diego Chargers RB Danny Woodhead and Pittsburgh Steelers RB DeAngelo Williams were the starters. Williams was in for an injured Le'Von Bell. The WR position was a very weak one. San Francisco 49'rs Torrey Smith and New England Patriots Danny Amendola were the starters. Arizona Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald was at the flex position. San Diego's TE Antonio Gates was suspended for the first 4 games of the season, thus Philadelphia Eagles Eric Ertz was the starter. Indianapolis Colts kicker Adam Vinatieri started over Seattle Seahawks kicker Steven Hauschka and Houston Texans defense started over Denver Broncos defense. Looking back, I wish I would've started Bortles, Vinatieri, and Broncos defense.

Week 1 got off on the wrong note as the LavaRockets lost by 31 points to become 0-1-0.

No big changes were made heading into week 2, but Amendola was benched for Tennessee Titans WR Kendall Wright and Hauschka became the starter. With a 121-69 point victory, the LavaRockets made it to .500 with a 1-1-0 record.

Week 3 saw the LavaRockets fall back, losing by 20 points to become 1-2-0. By week 3 the Texans defense was doing horrible. At the beginning of the season, the Texans were suppose to have a good defense, thus far they haven't. Carolina Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart was picked off waivers and benched.

Week 4 the LavaRockets jumped back to .500 with a 2-2-0 record and escaping with a 5 point win. Stewart got the start in the flex position adding 5 points and Cincinnati Bengals WR Marvin Jones was grabbed off waivers and benched, while Broncos defense started and added 10 points compared to the Texans -2 points.

Week 5 saw the LavaRockets skip away with a 67-64 win to make it two wins in a row.

With a week 6 loss and Gates returning to the lineup (he returned for week 5, but I had him benched), more changes needed to be made. Manning was benched for Bortles and the LavaRockets came out of week 7 with a 68-64 win to become 4-3-0.

Week 8 saw the team lose by a hair, 65-68. New Orleans Saints TE Benjamin Watson was picked up, but benched.

If the LavaRockets would've won their close games, they would easily be 6-2-0 instead of 4-4-0. The team hasn't made the playoffs since 2012, but if they continue their winning ways, they have a strong chance to do so in 6 weeks. 






Sep 5, 2015

15 Years: NFL.com Fantasy Football

My 15th year of playing NFL.com Fantasy Football (free) is finally here. I started playing back in 2000 with the Highland Executions (109-100-1)- .521 52% winning record, whom actually won their first league championship that year. They also won it in 2005 & 2011. I received a special letter from (then) NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue on June 11th 2001. Of course the letter was personalized and signed (copied) and dated. He basically congratulated me (like many others) for winning their NFL.com league championship.

A season later (2001) I created the Highland GraveDiggers (100-95-1)-  
.512 (51%) winning record, and Highland LavaRockets (92-100-4)-  .470 (47%) winning record and have kept all three teams since. GraveDiggers won their league championship in 2005 and 2014. The LavaRockets have only won once back in 2010. GraveDiggers made it back into the playoffs in 2014 and fought for the NFL.com league championship and actually won it with a 8-6-0 record, barely making the playoffs (#4/10 teams). It was a very exciting season for the team, lead by San Diego QB Philip Rivers.
==============================================




NFL Fantasy League 2014: A Look Back







The Executions (7-7-0) had a rough start and finished 2-5-0 for the first half of the 2014 season. This includes Denver Bronco's QB Payton Manning as the starting QB for the entire season. The Executions added St. Louis Rams WR Brian Quick off waivers to try and jump start their 1-4-0 record, later he'd become injured and out for the season. With a mid-season 2-5-0 record, The Executions grabbed both Miami Dolphins RB Lamar Miller and Baltimore Ravens RB Justin Forsett off waivers for week 7. Both performed decent that week, but the Executions still lost their game. With the signing of Cincinnati Bengal WR Mohamed Sanu off waivers (Miller, Forsett, and Sanu were good pick-ups), the Executions finally got a win after previously losing 4 weeks in a row. By week 9, and a very disappointing San Francisco 49'er TE Vernon Davis, the Executions placed San Diego Chargers TE Antonio Gates as the starter, who was becoming red hot at this point in the season. With the acquisition off waivers of the Miami Dolphins defense (previously had San Diego's defense) the Executions won 3 straight games with the team having a 5-5-0 record at week 10. Week 12 the Executions signed New England Patriots WR Brandon LaFell off waivers. LaFell made an impact for two straight weeks helping the Executions finish their 14th season at .500 at 7-7-0 and in 5th place out of 10 teams.


2014 PLAYOFFS-


The team didn't make the playoffs, but did head into the consolation bracket and fought for the 5th place spot out of 10 teams and won 77-64. The Executions pummeled their first opponent 76-37, with the help of Cincinnati Bengals RB Jeremy Hill, this was the week Peyton Manning was sick and was having hip issues.


The Executions didn't have a great season, but coming back from a 2-5-0 record and finishing 7-7-0 wasn't easy. The year before (2013) they finished 6-7-0 (13 games were played, league rules), so they did one game better this year. 


The Highland Executions are 3-time NFL.com League Champions (2000, 2005, 2011) and 4-time Division Champions (2000, 2005, 2007, 2011).  




TEAM HISTORY (2000-2014)








Highland Executions

Est. 2000
Overall Record: 109-100-1 (210 games)
Winning Percentage:   .521 (52%)
Playoff Record (including Consolation): 11-5-0
Playoff Winning Percentage:   .687 (69%)

3-time NFL.com Fantasy League Champions (2000, 2005, 2011)

4-time NFL.com Fantasy League Division Champions (2000, 2005, 2007, 2011)

City: Highland, MI

Stadium: Ford Field: Detroit, MI
Coach: Jesse Richardson
Best Record: 12-2-0 (2007)
Worst Record: 4-10-0 (2010)

Division Champions-

2000, 2005, 2007, 2011

NFL.com League Champions-

2000, 2005, 2011
-------------------------------

*2000*

11-3-0 (Central Division & NFL.com League Champions)- NFL.com

Note: 2001 NFL.com became a pay only Fantasy League. I switched over to Yahoo.com.


*2001*

7-7-0 (Lost in 2nd round of playoffs; finished season 5/10 teams)- Yahoo.com

*2002*

4-10-0 (Missed playoffs for the first time in team history; finished 8/10 teams)- Yahoo.com

*2003*

6-8-0 (Lost in 2nd round of playoffs; finished 7/10 teams)- Yahoo.com

*2004*

6-8-0 (Lost in 1st round of playoffs; finished 6/10 teams)- Yahoo.com

Note: 2005 NFL.com returned to being a free Fantasy League. I switched back.


*2005*

8-6-0 (Central Division & NFL.com League Champions)- NFL.com

*2006*

8-6-0 (Lost in NFL.com League Championship game)- NFL.com

*2007*

12-2-0 (Central Division Champions, but lost in first round of playoffs)- NFL.com

*2008*

6-7-1 (Missed playoffs, 2nd time in team history)- NFL.com

*2009*

8-6-0 (Missed playoffs 2nd straight year)- NFL.com

*2010*

4-10-0 (Missed playoffs 3rd straight year, worst record in team history 12/12)- NFL.com

*2011*

11-4-0 (Central Division Champions & NFL.com League Champions,)- NFL.com

*2012*
5-9-0 (Missed playoffs)- NFL.com


*2013*
6-7-0 (Missed playoffs 2nd straight year 7/12)- NFL.com


*2014*
7-7-0 (Missed playoffs 3rd straight year, finished 5/10 consolation bracket)- NFL.com

=============================================





Highland GraveDiggers (8-6-0) You'd think by looking at the GraveDiggers record they didn't have a great year. WRONG! Shockingly, they finished 4th out of 10 teams and squeezed into the 2014 NFL.com fantasy league playoffs. Not just that, but they lost two straight games heading into the 1st round.
 

The GraveDiggers started out with San Francisco 49'rs QB Colin Kaepernick over San Diego Chargers QB Philip Rivers, after Kaepernick's performance from last season. High hopes were for 49'rs RB Frank Gore and 49'rs TE Vernon Davis heading into the 2014 fantasy season. That wasn't the final outcome.

After the first 3 weeks the GraveDiggers were 2-1-0, but Kaepernick fantasy point wise wasn't doing nearly as good as Rivers, so a risky change was made, one that would pay off, as Rivers started every week besides the teams bye week, including the playoffs. At this point TE Davis was benched for Tennessee Titan's TE Delanie Walker

Week 5 the GraveDiggers scooped up Baltimore Ravens RB Justin Forsett, which probably was the biggest pick up off waivers of the season for the GraveDiggers.

Mid-way through the season (week 7) the team had a record of 5-2-0 and 3rd in their league. Cincinnati Bengals WR Mohamed Sanu was picked up off waivers, which would become a huge value for the GraveDiggers.

Week 8 the GraveDiggers did some changes on defense, and released the Carolina Panthers defense, which was expected to have a good season, but didn't turn out that way. They started the Indianapolis Colts defense and picked up the Green Bay Packers defense, which was a better move.

The GraveDiggers got caught in a web by losing 3 straight games in weeks 7, 8, and 9. The team picked up Cincinnati Bengals RB Jeremy Hill off waivers. Hill would start the next 5 weeks and help the team into the playoffs and eventually help win the teams 2nd league championship. The GraveDiggers were 6-4-0 heading into week 11.

The final three weeks were critical for the GraveDiggers. With the Green Bay Packers becoming the starting defense and the addition of Indianapolis Colts TE Coby Fleener (Titans TE Walker was injured for a bit), these two moves helped the GraveDiggers win three straight games in weeks 10, 11, & 12, and have a winning record of 8-4-0 and still in 3rd place in their league. Top four teams make the playoffs.

The GraveDiggers would lose their final two games and ended the regular season at 8-6-0 and in 4th place, barely making the playoffs by being 1 game up on the 5th place team. WR Sanu, TE Fleener, and RB Hill had slumped a bit during those final two weeks.


2014 Playoffs-

This had to be the most exciting playoff in the past 14 years that I've been playing fantasy football. The 1st round (Semi-Finals) I defeated the #1 team in our league, whom had a record of 12-2-0. I thought my playoff venture was over, especially losing two games in a row heading into the playoffs. Thanks to a great performance by both Seattle Seahawk's RB Marshawn Lynch and RB Hill (and a bad day for opposing Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers) I defeated the #1 team in our league by 6 points.

The GraveDiggers headed to the championship game and were facing the #2 team in their league, whom had a 12-2-0 record as well. The GraveDiggers switched up the Colts defense for the Packers defense, which was a smart call, as the Packers defeated the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Colts got crumbled by the Dallas Cowboys. That was the only change the GraveDiggers made. At the end, QB Rivers, RB Lynch, and RB Hill all had big games, thus defeating the #2 team by 6 points (just like last game) and became the 2014 NFL.com league champions for a 2nd time in 13 years. Their last league championship was in 2005.

Highland GraveDiggers are 2-time NFL.com League Champions (2005, 2014) and 2-time Division Champions (2005, 2010).



TEAM HISTORY (2001-2014)




 







Highland GraveDiggers
Est. 2001
Overall Record: 100-95-1 (196 games)
Winning Percentage: .512 (51%)
Playoff Record: 8-7
Playoff Winning Percentage .533 (53%)

2-time NFL.com Fantasy League Champions (2005, 2014)
2-time NFL.com Fantasy League Division Champions (2005, 2010)

City: Highland, MI

Stadium: Ford Field: Detroit, MI
Coach: Jesse Richardson
Best Record: 9-5-0 (2005)
Worst Record: 4-10-0 (2008)

Division Champions

2005, 2010

NFL.com League Champions

2005, 2014
------------------------------

*2001*

7-7-0 (Lost 2nd round of playoffs; finished 6/10 teams)- Yahoo

*2002*

9-5-0 (Lost 2nd round of playoffs; finished 5/10 teams)- Yahoo

*2003*

8-6-0 (Lost 2nd round of playoffs; finished 4/10 teams)- Yahoo

*2004*

7-6-1 (Lost 2nd round of playoffs; finished 4/10 teams)- Yahoo

Note: NFL.com returned to being a free Fantasy League. I started playing on NFL.com


*2005*

9-5-0 (Western Division & NFL.com League Champions)- NFL.com

*2006*

9-5-0 (Missed playoffs for the first time in team history)- NFL.com

*2007*

8-6-0 (Missed playoffs 2nd straight year)- NFL.com

*2008*

4-10-0 (Missed playoffs 3rd straight year, worst record in team history)- NFL.com

*2009*

6-8-0 (Missed playoffs 4th straight year)- NFL.com

*2010*

8-6-0 (Division Champions, lost 3rd place game)- NFL.com

*2011*

5-9-0 (Missed playoffs, placed 3/4 division, 8/12 league)- NFL.com

*2012*
4-10-0 (Missed playoffs 2nd straight year)- NFL.com


*2013*
8-6-0 (Lost 1st round of playoffs; finished 5/12 teams)- NFL.com


*2014*
8-6-0 (NFL.com League Champions; 4/10 teams)- NFL.com
Note: Most exciting playoff series in fantasy history, defeated two 12-2-0 teams, won both games by 6 points.

--------------------






Highland LavaRockets (8-6-0) The LavaRockets missed the playoffs, but did place 5th in the consolation bracket. The team got off to a rough start, but managed to finished above .500 (.571) The team was banking on starting New England Patriots QB Tom Brady, New York Jets WR Eric Decker, and Jets RB Chris Johnson. Only one of those three would actually become fantasy value. That person wasn't the starting QB at the end of the season, that being Brady. 

The LavaRockets started out 0-2-0, with a lineup of QB Brady, Kansas City Chiefs RB Jamaal Charles, RB Johnson, WR Decker, Denver Broncos TE Julius Thomas, and Seattle Seahawks defense just to name a few players. With the addition of Indianapolis Colts defense and Chiefs back-up RB Knile Davis, the LavaRockets were back at .500 heading into week 5 at 2-2-0.


Mid-way through the season (week 7) the LavaRockets were starting Seahawks QB Russell Wilson and benched Brady. They picked up Baltimore Ravens RB Justin Forsett and started Broncos WR Wes Welker, whom the LavaRockets had hoped would perform well upon his return. It wasn't the outcome the team had hoped for. They also started the Indianapolis Colts defense, while benching a disappointed Seahawks defense.


Week 10 the team had won two straight games and were hovering at .500 at 5-5-0. The team did get a small boost with the addition of San Diego Charger's WR Malcom Floyd, who'd turn out to be a good addition to the team. They also picked up the Miami Dolphins defense, while benching the Colts defense.


Heading into week 13 the team was 7-5-0 and eyeing the NFL.com league playoffs. They had hoped the pick-up of Tampa Bay Buccaneers WR Mike Evans would help in that department. But with a loss and a win (weeks 13 & 14) the team fell short of the playoffs, with the top 4 getting in.


Highland LavaRockets are 1-time NFL.com League Champions (2010) and 1-time NFL.com Division Champions (2010).



2014 Playoffs


The LavaRockets didn't make the playoffs and missed the final slot by 1 game. They did head to the consolation bracket and actually won both games to place 5th out of 10 teams this season. They defeated their first opponent 61-47 and their second and final 73-47. Both series were easy wins for the LavaRockets.



TEAM HISTORY (2001-2014)















 
Highland Lava Rockets
Est. 2001
Overall Record: 92-100-4 (196 games)
Winning Percentage: .470 (47%)
Playoff Record: 11-5
Playoff Winning Percentage: .687 (69%)

1-time NFL.com Fantasy League Champions (2010)

1-time NFL.com Fantasy League Division Champions (2010)

City: Highland, MI

Stadium: Ford Field: Detroit, MI
Coach: Jesse Richardson
Best Record: 8-5-1 (2005)
Worst Record: 3-11-0 (2001)
Division Champions- 2010
NFL.com League Champions- 2010
--------------------------------------

*2001*

3-11-0 (Missed playoffs; finished 10/10 teams)- Yahoo.com

*2002*

7-7-0 (Missed playoffs; finished 7/10 teams)- Yahoo.com

*2003*

9-5-0 (Lost 2nd round of playoffs; finished 4/10 teams)- Yahoo.com

*2004*

6-8-0 (Lost 2nd round of playoffs; finished 6/10 teams)- Yahoo.com
Note: NFL.com returned to being a free Fantasy League. I started playing on NFL.com

*2005*

8-5-1 (Lost in Divisional Playoffs)- NFL.com

*2006*

6-6-2 (Missed playoffs)- NFL.com

*2007*

7-7-0 (Missed playoffs 2nd straight year)- NFL.com

*2008*

4-9-1 (Missed playoffs 3rd straight year)- NFL.com

*2009*

6-8-0 (Missed playoffs 4th straight year)- NFL.com

*2010*

9-5-0 (Division & NFL.com League Champions)- NFL.com

*2011*

6-8-0 (Lost in Divisional Playoffs; 7/12)- NFL.com

*2012*
8-6-0 (Lost 1st round playoffs; won 3rd place, 3/10)- NFL.com


*2013*
5-9-0 (Missed playoffs; placed 9th in consolation bracket; 9/16)- NFL.com

*2014*
8-6-0 (Missed playoffs; placed 5th in consolation bracket; 5/10)- NFL.com
Note: 2nd year straight of missing playoffs





May 26, 2015

20 Years Ago: A Tear of Hope


Isn't it odd how one can remember something from 20 years ago like it was yesterday, but it takes them 20-30 minutes to find something simple like their keys, wallet, iphone, etc? Friday, May 26th 1995 my girlfriend of nearly 8 months wrote three pages (front & back) in my high school Freshman yearbook from 1995. They're pages in my life I'll never forget. When she broke up with me, I still held onto a tear hoping we'd get back together someday.


To many, this is a silly memory, so why write about it? Because those 7.5 months meant the world to me. We both were 16, but we took our relationship seriously. We never flirted with anyone else and were true to ourselves. We laughed a lot while we were together and just enjoyed each others company, even during rainy days. Heck, I still remember we'd exchange greeting cards every month on our anniversary. It was just something nice and fun to do.

I still recall Melissa and I exchanging yearbooks. It was a big deal, because we knew what we wrote was going to be there forever. It was almost like someone carving their names in a tree, it was going to be there as long as that tree was still standing. Melissa asked if she could take my yearbook home with her for the weekend. I said.

"Sure."

I did the same thing. With my lamp on, I still recall sitting down and writing in her yearbook, but what I wrote is cloudy.

Our relationship was great for the first 5-6 months, including the time she wrote in my yearbook. I'd always thought it was her Dad and Stepmom that broke us up, because she'd tell me that they seemed jealous of our relationship. I always thought them nagging her and letting us only see each other on Friday's (for the last few weeks, including Summer vacation) fueled our breakup. I'd later find out from a neighbor and Melissa's best friend (5 years later) that wasn't the case.


A month after we broke up, I remembered a fellow classmate who had gone out with Melissa years prior telling me (a few weeks after Melissa and I were together in Oct '94) to be careful, because her Dad and Stepmom would try and break us up. To think, I forgot all about that during our relationship.


I asked Melissa twice if I was doing something wrong in our relationship, and she said no, that they just seemed jealous. I think they didn't like it because we saw each other Fri, Sat, and Sun. Every other week she spent the weekend at her Mom's house. I was fine with us seeing each other Fri and Sat, which is what ended up happening. Melissa and I didn't spend anytime with one another during the school week (outside of school), because of our schooling. We did talk on the phone. So it wasn't like we were seeing each other Mon - Fri and Sat & Sun after school or during Summer vacation. Most of the time we saw each other on Fri & Sat in the evening/night. 


I remember getting my yearbook back from Melissa on Monday, May 29th and just reading it with a huge smile. I got that warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I'm not sure what I wrote in her yearbook, but I know it was exactly the same thing.

I'd like to share a bit of what she wrote, which was the final paragraph. The three pages that she wrote are personal, but I want to share this piece, because it did sum up our relationship for nearly 8 months. 20 years ago I was the luckiest guy in the world.




May 26th 1995


Note: '23' is when I asked her out, Oct 23rd 1994.


She was the one I thought of as I was on the operating table for my double lung transplant on September 26th 2010. I hadn't seen her (in person) in 13 years (now 18) since she graduated, but there I was with an oxygen mask on wondering if I was going to pull through the 10 hour surgery, and there Melissa was. . .  on my mind. I hoped and wished to God that her life would be filled with happiness, joy, and good health.


Sadly, we broke up about a week after school ended (3 weeks after what she wrote above), which was about Saturday, June 17th 1995. A week after we broke up, I'd learn that it wasn't her parents that tried breaking us up. Melissa was interested in someone else at her work, which I found out from a manager where she worked. Melissa and this guy (Doug) were caught making out in the back. I knew the manager because she lived in my neighborhood. She asked me if Melissa and I had broken up? I said.

"Yeah, a week or so ago."


She then proceeded to tell me the story about Melissa and Doug getting caught making out in the back. Our break-up really didn't hit me until a week later, when I found out that info. I remember I went home that day and did nothing. My Summer vacation wasn't going good. I cried that night as I played our song 'Wonderful Tonight' by Eric Clapton. It was a song Melissa and I slow danced to at her house. I cried so much that night. Somewhere in those tears was hope. Hope we'd get back together someday. It never happened. Her and Doug were together off and on for 2 years. I learned from her friend 5 years later that she didn't want to hurt my feelings and didn't know how to break up with me.


I did have CF Camp '95 to look forward to and my older Cousin and I visiting our Grandmother in Missouri in August '95. Though, until those events, I spent a lot of time at the beach across the street from me. I'd sit there and watch the sunset and wonder what Melissa was doing? To say I still loved her was an understatement. I knew our relationship was heading south, but I just wished (at the time) I could have changed it. Only seeing her on Friday's (at that point) was rough, because she worked those days and her working hours increased during the Summer.


I do blame myself and always have. She had a car, and I didn't. I was saving up for one, and I actually bought one 2 months after we broke up. It's 2015, how many 16 year old drivers have their own cars they paid for themselves? Her Dad and Stepmom saw me as someone who should've been doing this and having this, even though I had Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and didn't look 'sick'. For the first 4-5 months they treated me like gold. Toward the final 2-3 months they would say things to Melissa about me, which would get her down. I never disliked her Dad or Stepmom, I just wished they were more thankful and appreciated me, because out of the 7.5 months we were together, we were late one time, and that was by 5 minutes. Melissa was surprised they didn't say anything. I respected their rules. We both were on the honor roll. I don't know too many ex-boyfriends who get treated like that, that still respect someone's parents. Heck, once I offered to help Melissa with the dishes (I stayed over for dinner) and I remember her Stepmom saying no, that was Melissa's chore. What boyfriend offers to do the dishes, which is actually something I LIKE to do?

Melissa and I never did anything bad and we never broke any rules. In their eyes, they knew Melissa and I would be together for a very long time. With a tear in my eye, I can honestly say I thought it would be forever. I wasn't thinking about my health, me dying, or anything that I would endure for the next 15 years. I always thought I was going to be with her through thick and thin.


My parents liked Melissa and enjoyed having her over. Melissa liked coming over, especially since I was an only child. HA! HA! I still remember the first time I had Melissa over for dinner, my Mom asked me what should we have? I said.

"Well, Melissa's Italian, so lets have Spaghetti and bread sticks, we can't go wrong there!"  :):)



Melissa was the nicest person in the world and her shyness (when we first met) was so cute, but I think she found someone different at work, someone more adventurous who had a car, and someone better. In the end I wish I could've been a better Jesse, but looking back, there was nothing I could've done, she was more into someone else, and I couldn't change that. I didn't know she liked or was interested in anyone else, because no one that I went to school with worked with her. Her best friend never said anything to me. 

I did find out 6 years later (May 14th 2001) that Melissa and Doug were actually together prior to Melissa and I. I don't know how long before, but that's what her best friend told me. She also told me me that her and Doug wanted to get back together and Melissa basically wanted to go around the situation and not tell me the truth.

When school started back up August 1995 (my Sophomore year), Melissa gave me an attitude when I walked up to her and asked her how her Summer vacation went? I figured we were going to be friends, but I guess I was wrong. A week later I was told by a friend of Doug's not to talk to Melissa anymore. . .  or else. I never spoke to Melissa again, figuring she wanted nothing to do with me, even as a friend. When I told Dana this on the phone she was a bit surprised. So that's the reason why I never spoke to Melissa again, I figured that was her wish and I respected it.

My yearbook(s) are the only thing that I have of Melissa. We never had any pictures of one another together, which today would seem odd. Back in 1994-95 people didn't carry around camera's or had cell phones to take pictures with. That's one thing I regret. There's no pictures of us.


Through my double lung transplant and 6 months of chemo, she was the person I thought of the most. After the uncharacteristic move that occurred in June 1995, you ask why? Melissa always made me feel better then I was. She lifted me up, and we lifted each other up. We could count on each other. I had never been with anyone that could do that. When I told her about my CF 2.5 months after knowing her (1 month after being in a relationship) she asked me if I was going to be ok. I said.

"Sure I am. I'll be fine."

She kissed me and gave me a hug. I could tell she was concerned. She was the first girlfriend that I told that I had CF.

Remembering Melissa and the memories we had lifted me up during those 6 months of intense chemotherapy. 


I'd like to think she's thought of me through the years, but. . . to be honest I don't think she has. If she knew the hardships I've been through since 1997, she would question if I were still alive. Without Gretchen (my donor), her thoughts would be true. She never saw me at my worst. I know I'm a memory, like dust in the wind.


At the time living with CF was the most difficult thing I had to endure on a daily basis. Losing your girlfriend and never being able to talk to her again (even as a friend) is much worse. It was a pain I kept inside for the next 3 years in high school. Still to this day I think of it often. Melissa took my pain away for 8 months. As I told a fellow CF friend Ashley on Facebook years ago, hope is all we have. 






  ' I Won't Forget You ' by Poison (1986)

Mar 14, 2015

20 Years Later. . Remembering Margaret

You may or may not be reading this from my previous blog about my Cystic Fibrosis (CF) friend Margaret. If not, I've enclosed a link that'll take you back to the memoir I wrote two years ago in March 2013. Margaret




The best way to describe both Margaret and her twin sister Elizabeth (Liz) is to imagine a nice sunny 68 degree day outside. As your back is turned toward the sun, you feel the warmth and the suns rays beaming onto your neck and entire back, thus it makes you feel so good and it feels like all the problems in your life and in the world are gone. During my childhood and teenage years, and still to this day. .  anytime this occurs, well. .  you know who I think of. No more hugs like those from the previous blog pages, but. . I still have the sun.

Today, March 14th 1995 would've been my Cystic Fibrosis (CF) friend Margaret's funeral. As I colored the image above, I thought about when my parents told me that she'd passed away. Liz (her twin sister) wrote and addressed the envelope and letter to my parents about two weeks after Margaret died at age 26. Margaret and I knew each other for 6 years. I didn't know that she was sick or in the hospital. Margaret married about 5-6 months prior to her death, which I believe was the last time I heard from her. Liz and Margaret weren't writing to me as much as they had in previous years.

The day I found out that Margaret died, I'd been helping a neighbor down the street. I remember coming home around 4 or 5 PM. I had no homework that day, but my plan was to come home, eat, and then study. Anyway, drizzle filled the air during that cloudy day, making the ground very damp.

I remember walking inside and taking my boots off. My Mom had told me that I received a letter from Liz. I remember being happy, as I was anytime I heard from Liz or Margaret. My parents told me to sit down that they had something to tell me. My Mom handed me the letter and told me that Margaret had passed away two weeks ago. I still remember saying.

"HUH?"

To say I was shocked was a huge understatement. I didn't know that anything was wrong. How could this be? I remember at that moment I felt like an absent memory. I felt lost. I remember sitting down and reading the one page letter that Liz had wrote. I must have read that letter 20 times that week. I remember my Mom asking me (after I read the letter) if I was ok. Margaret was the first CF friend that I knew that died. There was another person that I knew of (but wasn't as close as I was with Margaret) named Joel Rabideau who passed away in September of 1991, whom lived in my hometown.

After an hour in my room without making any noise, I sat in disbelief because I didn't know anything was wrong. My Mom came into my room and asked how I was doing. For that entire hour I never put down that letter. I grasped it like I was holding on to a last memory, like if I let it go, my life would change. I remember getting up and hugging my Mom and just balling my eyes out for the next five minutes.

I remember after my parents went to bed, I didn't. It was a school night and I usually went to bed at 10 PM. That night I stayed up until 2 AM, something I had never done on a school night or weekend. I stayed up reading all of Margaret's letters that she had wrote from 1989-1995. I cried until I couldn't breathe. I was filled with so much anger and pain. Truthfully, I just felt like I didn't matter and it was very selfish for me to think that way at that moment. I always sent her my school pictures, but never received a picture of her since the last time I saw her at Camp 1990. I always got good grades for her and Liz, but for weeks and months I continued to think. . . did I even matter?

That night I had wished I was a 10 year old boy again with her arms wrapped around me at CF camp and never wanting to let go. She and Liz always paid so much attention to me it was the best feeling in the world. Them two could have told me to hop on one foot for 5 minutes and I would have done it and never stopped. They could have told me to run 5 miles without stopping, and I would have done it. They were my flame in life. They kept me going.

Anyway, I didn't attend Margaret's funeral because I wasn't notified of her passing until 2 weeks after she died. Liz did send me a memorial card, which I still have to this day. Somehow, someway, I woke up the next morning (5 AM) with very little sleep and took my breathing treatments and meds. I put on a pair of pants, slipped on a lime green hoodie, and left for school, without a care in the world. I didn't feel like eating, I didn't feel like talking, I just went to school, sat in all my classes and did nothing. That was the only time in 4 years of high school that I didn't do anything during class.

It took me 6 months to just be able to look at her picture or say her name without crying. After reading 8 chapters of my memoir on Margaret, you now see why it was so difficult to move on, but gradually I did. Visiting Margaret's grave helped me a lot.

So here I am 20 years later and at times it feels like yesterday. I'm not sure what it would've done to me if I did attend Margaret's funeral, which I would have. There I was at 10 years old saying hello, and there I was at 16 saying goodbye.


(click image to enlarge)

~My favorite photo of all time from CF camp '90~
Liz, myself, and Margaret.







                                                                       
"In Your Eyes" (1986) by Peter Gabriel