I still recall Melissa and I exchanging yearbooks. It was a big deal, because we knew what we wrote was going to be there forever. It was almost like someone carving their names in a tree, it was going to be there as long as that tree was still standing. Melissa asked if she could take my yearbook home with her for the weekend. I said.
"Sure."
I did the same thing. With my lamp on, I still recall sitting down and writing in her yearbook, but what I wrote is cloudy.
Our relationship was great for the first 5-6 months, including the time she wrote in my yearbook. I'd always thought it was her Dad and Stepmom that broke us up, because she'd tell me that they seemed jealous of our relationship. I always thought them nagging her and letting us only see each other on Friday's (for the last few weeks, including Summer vacation) fueled our breakup. I'd later find out from a neighbor and Melissa's best friend (5 years later) that wasn't the case.
A month after we broke up, I remembered a fellow classmate who had gone out with Melissa years prior telling me (a few weeks after Melissa and I were together in Oct '94) to be careful, because her Dad and Stepmom would try and break us up. To think, I forgot all about that during our relationship.
I asked Melissa twice if I was doing something wrong in our relationship, and she said no, that they just seemed jealous. I think they didn't like it because we saw each other Fri, Sat, and Sun. Every other week she spent the weekend at her Mom's house. I was fine with us seeing each other Fri and Sat, which is what ended up happening. Melissa and I didn't spend anytime with one another during the school week (outside of school), because of our schooling. We did talk on the phone. So it wasn't like we were seeing each other Mon - Fri and Sat & Sun after school or during Summer vacation. Most of the time we saw each other on Fri & Sat in the evening/night.
I remember getting my yearbook back from Melissa on Monday, May 29th and just reading it with a huge smile. I got that warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I'm not sure what I wrote in her yearbook, but I know it was exactly the same thing.
I'd like to share a bit of what she wrote, which was the final paragraph. The three pages that she wrote are personal, but I want to share this piece, because it did sum up our relationship for nearly 8 months. 20 years ago I was the luckiest guy in the world.
May 26th 1995
Note: '23' is when I asked her out, Oct 23rd 1994.
She was the one I thought of as I was on the operating table for my double lung transplant on September 26th 2010. I hadn't seen her (in person) in 13 years (now 18) since she graduated, but there I was with an oxygen mask on wondering if I was going to pull through the 10 hour surgery, and there Melissa was. . . on my mind. I hoped and wished to God that her life would be filled with happiness, joy, and good health.
Sadly, we broke up about a week after school ended (3 weeks after what she wrote above), which was about Saturday, June 17th 1995. A week after we broke up, I'd learn that it wasn't her parents that tried breaking us up. Melissa was interested in someone else at her work, which I found out from a manager where she worked. Melissa and this guy (Doug) were caught making out in the back. I knew the manager because she lived in my neighborhood. She asked me if Melissa and I had broken up? I said.
"Yeah, a week or so ago."
She then proceeded to tell me the story about Melissa and Doug getting caught making out in the back. Our break-up really didn't hit me until a week later, when I found out that info. I remember I went home that day and did nothing. My Summer vacation wasn't going good. I cried that night as I played our song 'Wonderful Tonight' by Eric Clapton. It was a song Melissa and I slow danced to at her house. I cried so much that night. Somewhere in those tears was hope. Hope we'd get back together someday. It never happened. Her and Doug were together off and on for 2 years. I learned from her friend 5 years later that she didn't want to hurt my feelings and didn't know how to break up with me.
I did have CF Camp '95 to look forward to and my older Cousin and I visiting our Grandmother in Missouri in August '95. Though, until those events, I spent a lot of time at the beach across the street from me. I'd sit there and watch the sunset and wonder what Melissa was doing? To say I still loved her was an understatement. I knew our relationship was heading south, but I just wished (at the time) I could have changed it. Only seeing her on Friday's (at that point) was rough, because she worked those days and her working hours increased during the Summer.
I do blame myself and always have. She had a car, and I didn't. I was saving up for one, and I actually bought one 2 months after we broke up. It's 2015, how many 16 year old drivers have their own cars they paid for themselves? Her Dad and Stepmom saw me as someone who should've been doing this and having this, even though I had Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and didn't look 'sick'. For the first 4-5 months they treated me like gold. Toward the final 2-3 months they would say things to Melissa about me, which would get her down. I never disliked her Dad or Stepmom, I just wished they were more thankful and appreciated me, because out of the 7.5 months we were together, we were late one time, and that was by 5 minutes. Melissa was surprised they didn't say anything. I respected their rules. We both were on the honor roll. I don't know too many ex-boyfriends who get treated like that, that still respect someone's parents. Heck, once I offered to help Melissa with the dishes (I stayed over for dinner) and I remember her Stepmom saying no, that was Melissa's chore. What boyfriend offers to do the dishes, which is actually something I LIKE to do?
Melissa and I never did anything bad and we never broke any rules. In their eyes, they knew Melissa and I would be together for a very long time. With a tear in my eye, I can honestly say I thought it would be forever. I wasn't thinking about my health, me dying, or anything that I would endure for the next 15 years. I always thought I was going to be with her through thick and thin.
My parents liked Melissa and enjoyed having her over. Melissa liked coming over, especially since I was an only child. HA! HA! I still remember the first time I had Melissa over for dinner, my Mom asked me what should we have? I said.
"Well, Melissa's Italian, so lets have Spaghetti and bread sticks, we can't go wrong there!" :):)
I did find out 6 years later (May 14th 2001) that Melissa and Doug were actually together prior to Melissa and I. I don't know how long before, but that's what her best friend told me. She also told me me that her and Doug wanted to get back together and Melissa basically wanted to go around the situation and not tell me the truth.
When school started back up August 1995 (my Sophomore year), Melissa gave me an attitude when I walked up to her and asked her how her Summer vacation went? I figured we were going to be friends, but I guess I was wrong. A week later I was told by a friend of Doug's not to talk to Melissa anymore. . . or else. I never spoke to Melissa again, figuring she wanted nothing to do with me, even as a friend. When I told Dana this on the phone she was a bit surprised. So that's the reason why I never spoke to Melissa again, I figured that was her wish and I respected it.
My yearbook(s) are the only thing that I have of Melissa. We never had any pictures of one another together, which today would seem odd. Back in 1994-95 people didn't carry around camera's or had cell phones to take pictures with. That's one thing I regret. There's no pictures of us.
Through my double lung transplant and 6 months of chemo, she was the person I thought of the most. After the uncharacteristic move that occurred in June 1995, you ask why? Melissa always made me feel better then I was. She lifted me up, and we lifted each other up. We could count on each other. I had never been with anyone that could do that. When I told her about my CF 2.5 months after knowing her (1 month after being in a relationship) she asked me if I was going to be ok. I said.
"Sure I am. I'll be fine."
She kissed me and gave me a hug. I could tell she was concerned. She was the first girlfriend that I told that I had CF.
Remembering Melissa and the memories we had lifted me up during those 6 months of intense chemotherapy.
I'd like to think she's thought of me through the years, but. . . to be honest I don't think she has. If she knew the hardships I've been through since 1997, she would question if I were still alive. Without Gretchen (my donor), her thoughts would be true. She never saw me at my worst. I know I'm a memory, like dust in the wind.
At the time living with CF was the most difficult thing I had to endure on a daily basis. Losing your girlfriend and never being able to talk to her again (even as a friend) is much worse. It was a pain I kept inside for the next 3 years in high school. Still to this day I think of it often. Melissa took my pain away for 8 months. As I told a fellow CF friend Ashley on Facebook years ago, hope is all we have.
' I Won't Forget You ' by Poison (1986)
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