Jim Binkley: 10 Years Later

 Meeting Big Bink

As I skim through photos of my late friend Jim Binkley, I view them differently, and have done so since Jim committed suicide at the age of 63 on October 24th 2006, 6 days after my 28th birthday. Jim set fire to his home (he lived alone at the time) in Clarkston, MI and then shot himself in the head with a hand gun, which pulling the trigger is something you can't take back. Once it's done, it's done. 10 years later, I'm still trying to find answers to my silent questions, afraid to ask.

I'd like to remember Jim as a person who was there for others, and to me, he was.  To me, James E. Binkley wasn't the person I described in the first paragraph. At times, that's how depression works. We don't know who's depressed, because there aren't any signs or that individual doesn't tell anyone. How often do people raise their hand and tell the world that they're depressed without being asked?

Jim's son Mike Binkley died from Cystic Fibrosis (CF) on February 19th 1996. Jim started volunteering at Camp Onkoi Benek (Indian for to conquer tomorrow) in 1995, which was a summer camp in Dowling, MI devoted to kids/teens/adults with CF. I too went to CF camp every summer starting in 1988, but in 1995, that was Jim's first year as a councilor, as in previous years, he'd just drop Mike off for the week.

(below) 

CF Camp '95: Sometimes people get creative and paint their old tennis shoes. That's Jim for you.

Bruce Gregory and Jim were both our group councilors that Summer '95 (which consisted of male senior campers) and Jim and I instantly became friends. He was a funny guy, who at times wore cartoonish t-shirts, which I got a kick out of. I didn't know how Jim got involved with CF camp until after camp was discontinued in 1996. He had told me the story about Mike. I could tell in his voice it was a topic that he didn't want to talk long about.

During the months after camp '95, Jim and I kept in contact via letters (before the days of e-mail) during the months after camp '95. Jim sent me a humorous card for my 17th birthday that featured two women in sexy bikini's and the front read.

'We Heard It's Your Birthday And We Want You To Come Over'

The inside read.

'To Mow The Lawn'

:)

Jim pulled one on me. It's one of my favorite birthday cards. I could actually see Jim setting me with two attractive girls and having them walk up to me to tell me that they wanted me to come over, and when I got there, they'd inform me that they asked me to come over to mow their lawn.

Jim didn't write a lot, but when he did, it was in the form of a funny card with a message enclosed. I always told him how well I was doing in school (sophomore year) and if I had any girlfriends. I didn't that year, I was still getting over my nearly 8 month relationship with my ex-girlfriend from my freshman year. Jim (if he wrote a letter) would tell me what he'd been up to and always told me to do good in school.

That next summer I was afraid Jim wouldn't make it to CF camp '96, due to injuring his back. He explained to me in a letter that it was doubtful he'd be there, but in the end he attended, and I was happy. Jim was once again a councilor, but for the younger boys that summer.

After camp '96 we kept in contact via postal mail. I didn't realize that Jim lived in Clarkston, MI (35 minutes away). I don't know why we never got together. He seemed quite private and being 18 years old, I wasn't.

CF Camp Afterlife

Camp Onkoi Benek discontinued after the summer of '96, due to more cases of kids/teens coming home and culturing different bacteria in their cultures/sputum samples. I (then) didn't worry about anything like that, because for one, I didn't really know about those cases nor did I realize the CF community was becoming more aware of CF'ers catching bugs from other CFer's from close contact with one another. I started becoming more aware of it in 1997, when February/March of that year, I learned why there wasn't going to be camp.

I invited Jim to my high school graduation party in June 1998, but he didn't attend. I wouldn't see Jim again until 1999, as a group of us CFer's and non CF councilors got together for a 3-day weekend at the Bavarian Inn Lodge in beautiful Frankenmuth, MI. I saw Jim once or twice when I arrived at the lodge and didn't say anything to him because I was unpacking and getting my belongings out of my vehicle. Half an hour passed and he came up to me and said.

"How long are you going to ignore me, hopefully for not the entire time we're here."

Of course Jim being Jim, he said that in a sarcastic and jokingly tone. I responded.

"I wouldn't ignore you Jim, I was grabbing my belongings and getting things situated in my hotel room. It's great to see you."

During those few days, Jim and I talked quite a bit, especially one late night at the bar/lounge area as he had a cold beverage. He talked about Mike and a few stories that he recalled. I remember talking to him and it was like he was in a daze. I'd talk to him and it looked like he was looking at someone behind me. I'm not sure how many beers he had (maybe just one), but it was like he was down in the dumps. That was the first time I saw a different side of Jim, which at that time I didn't think much of, but days after our outing (especially after his death), I thought he was just down because he was recalling memories of him and Mike. The next day he was fine.

I had a good time during those three days with Jim, Ski, (Matt Jastrzembski), and CFer's Ann Marie Jewell, and the late Debbi Ajini. There were others as well, but I didn't know who they were.

Continue 

Jim Binkley: 10 Years Later Part II

Jim Binkley: 10 Years Later Part II

Dinner At Jim & Cynthia's

If there's one person I wanted to talk to after Jim's death, it was his (then) ex-girlfriend Cynthia. They had broken up about a month prior to Jim's suicide. I met her back in October 1999 when Jim invited me over for dinner prior to my 21st birthday. He volunteered to meet me at the Waterford Summit Place Mall in Waterford, MI. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend let alone lived with her in Sterling Heights, MI. Anytime I wrote to him, I sent the letter to his Clarkston, MI address, thinking he lived in Clarkston, the same place he raised Mike and his daughter Shannon, which I didn't know he had a daughter until he passed away. I'll get to that later.

I figured it would be closer for me to drive to his house in Clarkston instead of Sterling Heights, that's when he wrote and told me no can do (his exact words). That's when he told me he lived in Sterling Heights with his girlfriend. He told me him and Cynthia were going to cook me dinner to celebrate my birthday. I thought that was special, and I was excited to meet Cynthia and to see Jim again, whom I hadn't seen in several months since the Bavarian Inn Lodge outing.

I met up with Jim at the mall. I knew who he was as he pulled up beside me in his Jimmy (I believe it was a dark Jimmy) and I greeted him with a hug. We headed to his house and Cynthia was there to greet me. I still remember looking on the wall and seeing a large portrait photo of Mike, his son, wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins NHL hockey jersey. He told me Mike was a big Penguins fan. Jim and I headed off to the store to buy some things for dinner. He took me a store in Sterling Heights that sold fish, crabs, fruits and veggies. We had steak for dinner.

Prior to dinner, Jim gave me a gift for my birthday. I explained to them that they didn't have to get me anything, a nice dinner was beyond a wonderful gesture. I opened the gift and it was a white sweat shirt and embroidered was our CF camp mascot (beaver) and below that it read Camp Onkoi Benek. I loved the sweatshirt, (especially since it was custom made), but looking back, I feel bad, because I only wore it once or twice, because it was white and I was afraid I'd get something on it.

Memories from that day with Jim and Cynthia are hard to recall, but I do remember Jim's computer/business room. We went through camp photo albums and he had a photo of me on his desk. I could tell CF camp and the CF community meant a lot to Jim. At that time he was a member of Michigan Pulmonary Disease Community Incorporated (MPDCI), the same group of folks who spent hours fundraising and putting on Camp Onkoi Benek for 25 years. At the time, Jim worked on the bulletin newsletter known then as the Beaver Bulletin, which was sent via postal mail every 3 months. That day was special and I'll forever hold it in the palm of my hand. That was the last and only time I saw Cynthia. I think of her from time to time.

MICHINDOH

Jim and I had been communicating via e-mail, which was much easier and it gave my hand a rest from writing to so many of my camp friends, which I had been doing since 1988.

Late Spring of 2000, Jim sent me some information on MICHINDOH conference center, which is a Christian camp and conference center in Hillsdale, MI, which MPDCI rented the facility in 1998, 1999, and 2000. Onkoi Benek Family Retreat was much different than CF camp with more infection control guidelines, but there were two sessions (like CF camp) for the cepacia positive and cepacia negative campers. Jim wanted me to go in 2000 and I was on board.

I had a lot of fun during those few days and saw several people that I hadn't seen since camp '96, which include Carol Carney, Angela Murtagh, Maggie Marcus and Neal Dantes, who was only there for a day or two. I last saw Jim Meyer in August 1996, Ski back in 1999, along with Ann Marie Jewell. I last saw Jamie Kloote back in the Fall of 1997. This was the last time I saw Jamie, as she died 17 months later on November 12th 2001. One of the highlights from those few days was receiving a hair cut from Angela. She gave me a short hair cut and my hair has been short ever since, though now, I buzz it down myself.

MICHINDOH (abbreviated for Michigan (MICH), Indiana (IND) and OHIO (OH) was quite far from my house. It was a 2-hour drive to Hillsdale, MI. This would be the final year for the Onkoi Benek Family Retreat. No other function like it has been held since 2000. Angela did put on a throwback type weekend at the old camp facility from July 23rd - 26th 2015. I didn't attend.

Death of A Friend

Jim and I continued to communicate and on Sunday, April 8th 2001 I received the call that in many ways changed my life. Jim called to tell me that my CF friend Christy White had passed away. I hadn't talked to Christy in 9 months. I remember Jim's voice like it was yesterday and I could tell he regretted being the one to tell me about Christy passing away on Saturday, April 7th 2001. Christy and I were close on many levels, but I had never went that long without communicating or hearing from her.

I planned on attending Christy's funeral and called Jim the next day and asked if he was going to attend. He didn't know Christy that well, but told me he did take her home from a camp function a few years back. He told me if I was going, he'd go, and so we both went together.

Jim picked me up around 8 AM on Wednesday, April 11th 2001 and we headed to Flint, MI. Before that we stopped off at Brown Funeral Home off Davison Rd in Flint (which has since closed) so Jim could pick up a funeral memorial card or two for those that couldn't attend Christy's funeral. I had no clue who he was picking them up for, but he asked if I'd be ok, and that he'd be back in a bit.

There I was, alone with Christy, and I was glad I had those 15 minutes to say my goodbyes before she was moved to the church. To say you could  hear a pin drop in that funeral home was an understatement, because no one was there besides the funeral home director. The only other CFer that attended was Ann Maire Jewell and her Mom. During the service, I looked over at Jim and saw a tear come from his eye. I had never seen Jim cry before.

I still remember hugging Jim and remember how his suit felt. After Jim passed away, I was bothered by the notion of me asking him (in a round about way) if he'd come with me to the funeral, forgetting all about Mike passing away and him having to go through those memories again, or those feelings returning. Even though Christy's passing was 5 years before Jim's, I thought maybe it might've been too much for him, but he seemed to be fine after the funeral.

Myself, Jim, Ann Marie, and her Mom went across the street and got something to eat. It was nice seeing them again. I hadn't seen Ann-Maire since MICHINDOH back in July 2000. I'd see her again in 2002 and once again in 2003 prior to her family moving to North Carolina.

As for Jim and myself, that would be the last time I'd see him. From time to time I'd ask how Cynthia was doing. His response would be.

"She be good."

Anytime I'd ask how she was doing, it was always a short answer and nothing more.

For the next six years Jim and I kept in contact, but toward those later years, we didn't keep in contact as often. Even if we had, I know Jim wouldn't have told me what was going on in his life.

Jim's Suicide

It was a day or so after October 24th 2006, and I remember my Mom and I hearing on the local news about a fire that occurred off Everest Dr. in Clarkston, MI. Since I wrote to Jim quite a bit since 1995 (when we met at CF camp), I instantly recognized the street name. We didn't get the whole news story, thus I looked it up online via our local county paper (Oakland Press) and read the report.

The article stated that a 63 year old Clarkson resident (with address and street name) set his home on fire and committed suicide by putting a pistol to his head. The article mentioned (if I recall correctly) the fire (they believed) started in a bedroom. To my knowledge, no one from CF camp (campers or adults) had been to his home in Clarkston.

Anyway, neighbors spoke about Jim and they all had one thing in common. They really didn't know him, just that his kids grew up in the home and that years ago his son passed away. They mentioned he was a private person and kept to himself.

I learned quite a bit after Jim's death. MPDCI hadn't heard or spoken to Jim for a year or so, and when I talked to Debbie Ajini (CFer and member of MPDCI) she was shocked to hear that Jim was communicating with me, because she explained to me that they hadn't heard from him in over a year.  I told her the last time I heard from him was 3 weeks before his death, and when I told her about his suicide, she told me she thought that's how Jim died. It wasn't a shock (to her) that his death was a suicide.

I'm not sure how it occurred, but Debbie talked to Jim's daughter, Shannon. WHAT? Jim had a daughter? That's exactly what I thought. I don't think anyone knew he had a daughter, whom at the time was 30. I don't know what occurred or what the fall out had to do with, but she (when I communicated with her) told me she hadn't heard from her Dad or spoken to him in 10 years. She would've been about 20 or 21.

MPDCI hadn't heard from Jim due to a fall out. I was told it had something to do with missing funds (money) and at the time (I believe) Jim was in charge of finances within the organization and it sounded like Jim was having issues even a year before his suicide, in-which they tried to get him help, but he declined. It sounded like Jim got upset and didn't want anything to do with anyone from MPDCI. I never knew about a fallout or any issues at the time between Jim and MPDCI.

Jim and Cindy broke up a month or so before Jim's suicide. Jim Meyer and Debbie were the only two I told about how Jim committed suicide. I recall Ann Jewell asking me how Jim died, and I told her he committed suicide and nothing more.

According to Google Map, a home was rebuilt on the property in 2008. It looks nice.

10 years have passed since Jim's death, and I think of him from time to time. I'll always remember our last conversation 3 weeks prior to his death, as I asked him what some of his favorite songs were.  He enjoyed Van Halen (David Lee Roth era), so we both had something in common. He told me one of his favorite songs was 'Last Date' by the late Floyd Cramer from 1960. I'm not sure what the song meant to him, because I knew Jim was a private person, so I didn't ask. Whatever the song meant to him, I knew it was happier times for Jim.

I remember telling Shannon how much her Father did for MPDCI and how he helped out at CF camp and was there for everyone. She was surprised to hear about the things Jim did for the local CF community. She was glad to hear that he was that kind of person toward us.

I'll always remember Jim for the person he was from 1995 until his death. Though, there was a lot that many others didn't know. I think if we hold onto the good memories we shared with Jim, that's what he would've wanted.

I leave behind one of Jim's favorite songs.  'Last Date' (1960) by country legend Floyd Cramer.

32 Years Later: Remembering Tubby

Kristy Kay Heward (March 17th 1976 - October 5th 1984)

This is a photo (above) that my Aunt gave me. I believe the photo on the left is from 1984 when Kristy was 8, and her last portrait photo. The photo on the right (I would guess) is from 1983.

 

Myself (4) and Tubby (7) during the Summer of 1983

This photo was taken 13 months before she passed away

Kristy "Tubby" Heward died on October 5th 1984. I'm not sure how her nickname came about, but I believe it was a nickname my Aunt gave her, whom was her next door neighbor and babysitter. Her and my Aunt were close.

Tubby was 8 years old when she tragically died from being hit by a truck while four wheeling with her older brother. Sadly, she was driving and wasn't wearing a helmet, but her brother (on the back) was, and he lived, though he was thrown off the four wheeler.

 1981-82 School Year- Tubby was 5 years old

If I remember correctly, Tubby was driving and going around a curve on the other side of the road (toward on coming traffic), and a teenager driving a truck struck them on October 2nd 1984 in Missoula, Montana. Tubby was at fault and no charges were filed against the teenager, if I recall correctly. I believe where they lived there wasn't a lot of traffic. Though, I could be wrong. It was a horrible accident. Still to this day, I think about that teenager, which he'd probably be in his late 40's as of this typing.

Tubby and her parents lived next door prior to their move to Montana. While at my Aunt's house, Tubby and I would hang out, including my other cousins when they were over. At times we'd play and hang out at her house. Sometimes when I'd go over to my Aunt's house, Tubby would be upstairs looking out the window, and when she saw me, she'd run outside and greet me at my Aunt's gate, which led to her house.

Winter 1983- The photo above was taken at my Aunt's house. I'm not sure what I'm doing in the photo above, but it looks like I'm holding a dollar bill and maybe my Grandpa (behind me) found some change that I had dropped.  Tubby is on the left side of this photo.


To be honest, I don't remember a lot about Tubby. I was 5 years old then, but one thing I do remember, is that her parents regretted moving to Montana. They moved back to Michigan within the next year or so. Life was never the same for them, as they both ended up getting a divorce. Her brother recovered from the accident and is 44. I saw him back in 2012 and saw his Mom in 2014. To my knowledge, relatives take care of Tubby's grave site.

December 1983- Tubby (7) Jesse (5)- What in the world is she doing to me? This is a photo of Tubby, myself, and my cousin (lower right) over at Tubby's house. I remember this via still images. I miss these memories. A bunch of kids being silly.

Tubby's death occurred 13 days before my 6th birthday and I'm sure I was quite sad to hear of her passing, as we all were. I only knew her for 2 years. I think of her often. Kristy Heward will always be missed and never forgotten.


Enclosed is Kristy's memorial obituary from 1984.

Where To Find Me

Even though I'm not on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, tumblr, or Google+, I'm still here on the Internet at the websites below.  All links are current as of this typing.


Way Back When (Facebook Community Page)
Grab your girl or guy and lets head back to the rolladium, the dance floor, the arcade, or that awesome 70s or 80s concert. Remember when your parents or grandparents us to say. "Way back when . . ." Well, you get the picture. All things are welcome from the era you grew up in, including the last great decade. The 90s.


My Flickr page
Everything I've ever worked on is on this page, including my favorite things in life, which is currently a work in progress.


My blog
Well, you're already here, but my blog includes my thoughts, feelings, and a flash back to years past.


My YouTube page
Created in October 2011, I've spent much time building my albums and playlists (at the top of the page), which feature some of my favorite music from various years and genre.


My Pinterest page
Some of the things I'm interested in I've pinned.  Check out my boards.


My Pandora page
Check out my created stations, you might find a station that interests you.


My Rotten Tomatoes page
Check out the movies & TV shows I've seen or want to see in the near future.


My IMDb page
Check out the movies & TV shows I've seen or want to see in the near future.